


the words you try to find

by boxesofflowers, Eeyoreneedsahug



Series: My Love, My Life [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Banter, Caring Even Bech Næsheim, Child Neglect, Eskild is the Mom Friend, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-13 07:46:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 27,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxesofflowers/pseuds/boxesofflowers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eeyoreneedsahug/pseuds/Eeyoreneedsahug
Summary: Something isn’t quite right about Isak. Even and Isak have just moved in together, and though Even loves him more than ever, something has changed. Isak just...seems to be keeping something from him. He has no clue what’s going on, but he’s sure everything will be alright if they just keep having their early morning coffee and their late night talks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! We’re back again with a brand new series. We hope you enjoy! This work is going to be updated daily.

They’ve only been at their new apartment for a few minutes when Even hears a knock on the door. Probably Jonas or one of the boys who left something behind. It was nice to have help moving in, but the gesture was better than anything else. Magnus, Jonas, and Mahdi are not exactly the best or most organized helpers.

“Isak! Get the door!” He calls, trying not to take too much of his attention off of the scrambled eggs. With all the running around they’ve been doing, neither of them had much of a breakfast, so Even’s hoping it’ll hold them over until dinner tonight with Even’s parents.

“I’m in the shower!” Isak calls back, and he sighs, turning off the burner on the stove, wiping his hands haphazardly on his jeans. He pulls open the door, frowning when he sees who’s actually there.

“The housewarming is tomorrow, Vilde,” He says, confused. 

“Oh! Right. Well...of course it is,” Vilde starts and Even almost expects her to turn away to leave but she doesn’t. She shifts slightly, opening her mouth as if she has something to say before closing it again. 

“And?” Even asks, now prompting her. Usually when Vilde has something to say she says it after very little (if any) hesitation. It’s something that’s gotten her in trouble with her friends pretty regularly. Even, although new to the group, has known of this for years, ever since Vilde was a student at Uranienborg before her first year. She was notorious for her unthinking (but often innocent, to be fair) comebacks. Even after he left for Bakka, he still had to listen to Sana (and sometimes even Elias) complaining about whatever Vilde had said that she hadn’t found offensive this time. So the simple fact that she needed any encouragement to speak was strange. 

“Umm...well,” she starts slowly. “I-was-actually-here-to-see-Isak!” She rushes out. She tucks her hair behind her ear - a trademark of nervous Vilde - and Even narrows his eyes.

“Huh?” he asks, more in surprise than in misunderstanding. 

“I stopped by to see Isak. Is he free?” She asks more slowly this time. She tucks some of her hair behind her ear. 

“Not really,” Even replies. “He’s in the shower.” 

“Oh,” she says, her shoulders slumping slightly. “Well...I…” 

“Do you want me to take a message?” He asks. Vilde looked like she about to offer to wait for him to get out of the shower, and Even isn’t entirely sure he wants to share his boyfriend right now. 

“Yeah...I could always-” she starts, but Even cuts her off. 

“Great! What do you need to say?” He asks.

“Just...It’s Monday...and I came to see him,” Vilde says. Even nods. Easy enough...even though it doesn’t make much sense.

“Ok. Got it,” he says. “Anything else?” he asks. 

“No…” Vilde says. She looks reluctant to leave but Even can’t find much sympathy. She’s not even Isak’s friend (or at least not a close one), and while it’s nice that she came to visit, he’s been looking forward to time alone with Isak at their new place ever since he’s brought up the idea of moving in together in the middle of February.

“You can tell him the rest tomorrow?” Even suggests and Vilde nods.

“Yeah...tomorrow should work,” she says. “And...thanks Even.”

“You’re welcome,” he says.

She turns to leave.

“See you tomorrow!” He calls after her.

As soon as he shuts the door, Isak walks out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, his wet hair beginning to form those loose curls Even loves. It strikes him though that Isak is a lot thinner than Even remembers, but maybe it’s just the shadowy lighting that comes from the hall light not working properly.

“Who was that?” he asks, and Even can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. He pulls Isak into a half hug, his arms draped over his shoulders, and gives him a kiss. 

“Vilde? I don’t know. She wanted to see you.” Even pauses to drop another kiss on Isak’s forehead. “She said ‘It’s Monday,’” he explains. He’s surprised when Isak smiles fondly and instead of looking equally confused, almost seems to relax. 

“Awww...she did? That’s actually so sweet,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “She’s already trying to mother me.”

“Hmm?” Isak shakes his head, running his hand over Even’s chest.

“It’s nothing. It’s ok. Do you...I smell eggs?” He looks confused, and Even nods, pushing a little bit of his wet hair off his forehead.

“Mmhmm. You asked for eggs, right?” Isak nods, though he doesn’t look very convinced. “Right after Jonas left? You ok?” Isak nods.

“Yeah. Just...sleepy.”

“Let’s have a nap then, it’s been a long day.”

So they end up in bed, each with a bowl of scrambled eggs, watching a movie on Even’s laptop. Isak’s asleep in only a few minutes. Even would wake him up but his insomnia has been worse than normal lately and any sleep he can get is a step in the right direction.

Even is content to sit here in silence though. Just soak in the feeling of being alone in their new apartment - just the two of them.

He wakes up about an hour later, nuzzling Even’s chest sleepily. Isak looks so...soft when he’s just woken up. Sometimes he can be so guarded, day to day, but all of that can fall away at times like this. When he’s just woken up or they’ve just finished having sex or when one of them is sick - Isak gets soft and gentle and clingy and Even loves that.

“Time?” He asks, sniffing slightly. He’s warm and blinking blearily.

“Time for you to get a watch,” Even says, and kisses his forehead. “It’s almost 14.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Isak asks blinking again. “Already?”

“Yeah, sleeping beauty.”

“That’s good then?” Isak says, almost to himself. His curls are falling into his face. “I needed more sleep, right?” He rubs his eyes, sitting up straight.

“Mmhmm. Really good. You hungry?”

“A little. Not really,” he mumbles, grabbing a sweatshirt off the floor, slipping it over his head before cuddling back up against Even’s side. They lie there for a few moments in silence and Even tries to focus on the feeling of Isak’s breath moving in and out.

“How about we watch something, then?” he suggests, and the younger boy shifts slightly. 

“Like what? I feel like we’ve seen everything,” Isak says.

“What about -”

“Don’t say black mirror. I hate black mirror.”

“Why? It’s great.”

“It’s fucked.”

“Sometimes life is fucked,” Even says. 

“Deep,” Isak jokes. “But really I don’t want to spend my time reminding myself how fucked up everything is.” He absentmindedly rubs the younger boy’s back, pressing a little kiss to a bit of exposed skin by his throat.

“Fine. I get that I guess. But...at least nothing in our lives will be as bad a Black Mirror?” Even suggests. That has to be true, doesn’t it?

“Sure,” Isak agrees. “But can we just watch...like...I don't know, Disney or Glee, or something?” He looks up at Even through his eyelashes - they’re so long Even has no idea how they don’t get tangled up - and Even can’t say no.

“We can watch whatever you want, babe.”

“Really? You’re not going to argue?” Isak asks, and though Even can tell he's half-joking, he's half offended.

“I’ve chosen pretty much every movie for every movie night we’ve ever had,” Even says.

“That’s true. But they’re always good,” Isak reassures.

“Well it’s about time you pull your weight,” he jokes. He really does want Isak to get to share things he likes as well, but Isak probably would just tell him that anything was good unless he made a joke of it. 

“Pull my weight?!” He’s smiling so wide it makes Even’s heart feel tight in his chest. He can feel Isak’s laughter.

“Yeah, babe.”

“Really?”

“For too long I alone have had to bear the burden of choosing entertainment in this house. Now it falls to you.” he pecks Isak’s cheek, and the younger boy stares in (undeserved, Even thinks) admiration. 

“Weirdo. Glee it is,” he finally says, sitting up, breaking the fragile moment. Still, Even tries to keep the feeling alive - warmth, home. Being loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments! :)
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> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you enjoy the new chapter! Let us know what you think:)
> 
> UPDATES DAILY!

“This place is not big enough for a party,” Jonas jokes, as he squishes himself in between Isak and Even on the couch. Isak shoves his shoulder, laughing. 

“Be glad we have a place for you to sit at all,” Isak responds with a smile. The couch was a recent addition to their living space. It was a lucky find. That morning when they were out getting towels and toilet paper from the store, they stumbled upon the used couch for sale outside of a nearby apartment building. It was cheaper than it probably should have been (and neither of them want to think about that for too long). 

“It’s not a trial we would have gone through for just anyone,” Even says with a smile.

“We?” Isak asks in mock affront. “We? I did all of the negotiating and most of the lifting!” 

“Yeah? Is that so?” Jonas asks, and Isak nods exaggeratedly. “Well, thank you, my good and loyal sir,” he continues, laughing at Even’s overly shocked face. “In payment, I have brought you alcohol.” 

“Which he shouldn’t be drinking,” Vilde says, dropping down onto Isak’s lap and grabbing the beer from in front of him before he can reach it. Isak’s smile drops.

“Huh?” Even asks, before he can think better of it. Isak turns to look at him, rolling his eyes. Everyone seems poised to hear what he has to say.

“I told you Vilde thinks she’s a mom. Already mothering me! And at my own party! Disgraceful!” Vilde laughs and the tension seems to break.

“Yeah Vilde,” Jonas says, grabbing the beer from Vilde’s hand. “Get your own beer!” She rolls her eyes and stands up.

“Isaaakkk!” Vilde whines, “You remember that time right?”

“Very specific…” he replies dryly. 

“Shut up. You know what I mean. I know you do,” she defends more sharply. 

“That was only one time,” Isak protests and Vilde shoots him a look. “Seriously Vilde, it’s fine.” 

“You sure?” She asks.

“Yeah. Everything is good. Enjoy the party, V.”

She leans down and gives him a quick hug and moves over to talk to Eva on the other side of the room. Even waits a few seconds while Isak takes a sip of his reclaimed beer before asking the question that’s been weighing on him since Vilde’s visit the day before. 

“What was that?” He asks as soon as Isak swallows. “How close are you guys?” 

“Ummm...we’ve gone to school together for almost two years now. And uh...our friend groups overlap. She’s dating my friend.”

“That’s really all?” Even asks, slightly confused. He’s been friends with the people his friends have dated before, but he’s never been as close with them as Isak and Vilde seem to be. And how recent is this development anyway? He’d spent a lot of time with Isak in the past several months, but he’d never seen Isak and Vilde interact beyond….maybe the first time he’d really known Isak had noticed him. Isak had been staring at him more than he’d been listening to Vilde, but he still joined Kosegruppa. Maybe they were friends already? 

“She just likes to meddle,” Isak says with a tight smile. Jonas laughs.

“That’s for certain. She’s been meddling in your life before any of us really knew who she was at Nissen. We all thought she still had a thing for you when she transferred.”

“Still had a thing for Isak?” Even asks.

“Oh fuck off Jonas,” Isak says shaking his head. 

“No need to be jealous Even,” Jonas says. “When Isak was very much in the closet, he didn’t have a lot of girlfriends. When Vilde showed any interest in him at all we all would tease him about his girlfriend asking after him.” Jonas pauses to sip his beer. “They dated in first year. Very briefly,” he clarifies.

“It was...aggravating,” Isak says. “The teasing.”

“It was kinda cute, you two as a couple,” Jonas admits. “We thought she was really annoying but she cared about you enough to ask how you were doing. And I...I was kinda wrapped up in my own drama at the time.”

“That I caused,” Isak says, his voice dropping slightly as he looks down at his drink. Even wants to reach across Jonas and comfort Isak, but he can tell that this probably isn’t the time for him to interfere. 

“It wasn’t all on you,” Jonas argues. “It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“But it probably wouldn’t have been as bad. It’s not an excuse,” Isak argues, still not looking up. 

“You had your own stuff going on. Eva and I get that now. I-”

“It’s not an excuse,” Isak repeats, cutting Jonas off and finally meeting his eyes.

“I should have done more for you,” Jonas says. Isak opens his mouth and then closes it, staying silent. Even recognizes this as the time to intervene. 

“Do you want to smoke for a bit, Jonas?” he asks quickly, standing up and offering a hand to Jonas. He looks over at Isak who nods and motions for him to stand. 

“Sure,” he replies. 

“Great! There’s roof access that way, I’ll be out in a minute,” he says, pointing over to their kitchen. It has a fire escape right outside the window. Jonas heads over and Even waits until he’s in the other room to speak.

“Are you ok?” He asks, trying to keep his voice low. He’s heard of Isak’s legendary and disastrous first year. It, in some ways, rivals his own terrible first attempt at third-year back at Bakka. Even hasn’t really sat down and talked about that first year with Isak. Instead, he’s managed to piece together bits from stories Isak’s friends have told. At this point, though, he feels like he probably would have already found out all of the details if Isak felt comfortable sharing them. Even though his curiosity during times like this threatens to make him burst, he realizes that he needs to respect Isak's privacy and understand that he'll open up about it when he's ready, even if that isn't exactly when Even might want it to be. Why bring up clearly painful memories? He gets that. He isn't ready to share everything about what happened during his third year at Bakka either. 

“Yeah. I’m...good,” Isak says, taking another small sip of his beer. His frowns, setting it down on the floor by the arm of the couch.

“Ok. If you want to smoke with us…” Even trails off, leaving the option open. 

“I’m good. I probably need a break from Jonas for a bit,” Isak admits. “Thanks, babe,” he says standing up and kissing Even softly. “I’m going to go find Sana.”

“Nerd!” Even says, and Isak stands to leave. 

“Stoner!” Isak jokes back motioning for Even to follow Jonas. 

When the window shuts behind them, Even begins to regret leaving Isak all alone inside. Then, of course, he realizes that’s idiotic. Isak’s almost 18, he can handle himself. Still, Even has this lingering worry that Isak needs him. Not to mention Even hasn’t smoked in a few months - sharing a joint with Jonas won’t hurt, but he’s still surprised that Isak hasn’t said anything about it. Usually, he’s vigilant to the point of it being almost annoying. Though that’s really not a good enough reason to be worried about Isak.

“You like living with him? I know it’s only been a couple days -” Jonas starts, and Even quickly drags his attention back to the interaction at hand.

“I love it. Easier than living at home.” Jonas frowns, taking a hit. He takes his time on the exhale.

“Isak can be...a lot. He’s my best friend, but it can be...I don’t know.”

“You’ve lived with him before?” Even asks. Jonas snorts, passing the joint. It’s not rolled very well - Jonas is better at making bongs than joints, but Even’s not complaining. 

“No, but he’s...Well, when we were in middle school...Sorry, I’m just rambling. I don’t know. He’s a good guy. Just...I’m sure you know already. About what happened in first year,” Jonas says, and Even stares out over the skyline. The sun is starting to set.

“It’s his place to tell me. If he wants to.” Even says, taking a drag. He barely manages to keep from coughing, handing the joint back to Jonas, who immediately takes another hit.

“It’s just...Isak isn’t always the most...honest. He’ll tell you something when he’s ready, that’s for sure,” he remarks, and Even bites his lip.

“I’ll make my own decisions about how to interact with my boyfriend,” he says, feeling his shoulders tense slightly.

“No, I know. I know. I’m not -” Jonas sighs. There’s another pause as he flicks the ash from the end of the joint. “He loves you. I don’t want him to fuck it up for himself.”

“If anything,” Even starts, “I’m the one that’ll fuck it up.” 

They smoke the rest of the joint in silence, and before they climb back through the window Jonas claps him on the shoulder, giving him a smile. Even tries his best to smile back.

He’s talking to Sana and Eva as soon as he gets back inside and finally thawed out. He’s lived in Oslo his entire life but the cold April nights still surprise him. It might be that he’s overly hopeful with his clothing choices the minute he doesn’t have to dress to avoid frostbite. 

“–and really I’m not sure what I’m going to do with all of that extra toilet paper,” Eva laughs. “Vilde thought that I’d somehow be responsible and organized enough to sell the last bit.” 

“She thinks very highly of you,” Sana says smiling slightly. “You should talk to her and ask her opinion.” 

“It’s so weird that we’ll be Russ next year!” Eva says. “It seems like we’ve already been preparing for this forever.” 

“We’ll miss the planning when it’s all over, though,” Sana says, glancing at Even. Sana knows how all of his plans fell apart right before Russ. Even swallows and makes an excuse to leave. 

He'd always imagined being Russ at Bakka - riding around in some shit van with Elias and Mikael - but now? He barely drinks anymore, and it’s not like there are really any openings for him in any of this year’s buses. People plan for at least a year in advance, and he definitely doesn't have the money to buy into a bus right now anyway.

He’ll probably spend the week or two at home, or go draw in the park or write another shitty screenplay. Maybe he’ll finally write something that he’d be able to film with no budget (or actors, or locations...yeah it needs some work). He’ll need something if he wants to apply to school. He's never discussed it with Isak, but if he wants to study film he'll need to move to Lillehammer. He’s pretty sure that Isak will want to stay in Oslo for University and he wouldn’t think of suggesting a move while Isak’s still at Nissen. But Even? He’s already a year behind his peers. He knows that a year or even two years doesn’t matter really in the long run. He knows that. But it feels like it does. He knows he needed the extra year but he can’t help but feel...inadequate somehow.

The worst thing would be doing what he's (really) always wanted. School in America. Film school. Worst of all would be doing what he’s dreamed of doing since he was a small child and not being able to enjoy it because of his heartache for Isak. Isak would probably help him do whatever he wanted to do. He’d probably say something cheesy about chasing his dreams or something like that. 

He can't imagine what it would be like. Living alone in a new city without the most important person in his life. The thought itself makes him anxious. He scans the room again. He knows exactly where Isak is but it relaxes him to search him out just the same.

Even’s focus is always at least partially on Isak. Tonight is no exception to that rule. Though he enjoys hanging out with everyone he’d honestly rather spend more time with his boyfriend. Parties can be overwhelming, and even before he and his group at Bakka fell out (more like imploded and all thanks to him), he wasn’t at too many. He always preferred smaller pre-games with only a few friends and maybe (if they were feeling up for it) an hour-long appearance at a smaller house party. 

This is the biggest one he’s been to since he and Isak started dating, and since he’s one of the hosts, it’s not like he can bow out now. Especially considering how anxious Isak’s been lately. Ever since the beginning of the semester, Isak’s been on edge about classes - he didn’t have exactly great marks last year - which Even has to admit he feels somewhat accountable for. He knows that all his bullshit last semester was a major distraction for Isak, and he’s not planning on letting that happen again. But really, there were many reasons why Even had been a bit reluctant to even have the housewarming. So far, though, it’d had been going smoothly. 

There’s only one almost fight as the evening progresses, and when it turns out to be between Mahdi and Magnus over which Star Wars movie is the worst, well, Even can’t exactly say he’s surprised that Magnus somehow likes The Phantom Menace.

The party eventually devolves into an awkward, sweaty mess of loud music and dancing with Even seated in the corner, working on one can of beer while Isak and - again, weirdly - Vilde dance to Gabrielle. 

He loves watching Isak dance. Well, not necessarily dance, more just...radiate happiness. And Isak’s dancing can’t always be classified as dancing per say. Often it’s characterized by aggressive head bobbing. And arm flailing. And jumping. Well...that’s dancing probably. Isak is currently doing all three of those things at seemingly random intervals, mimicking Vilde as she dances in an equally outlandish way, a rapidly emptying bottle of wine clasped in her right hand. 

After the song ends, Isak runs over and pulls Even away from his spot in the corner where he was surveying the room. 

“Ev! Dance with me!” Isak says, amped up from his dancing with Vilde and the beers he’s downed over the course of the night. 

“You’re having fun?” Even asks, already knowing the answer from the joy on Isak’s face. 

“So much! It’ll be even better with you!” Isak says turning to kiss Even. Even thinks that “even better with you” could apply to almost every aspect of his life at this point. He trails along behind Isak toward the center of their makeshift dance floor – swept up in Isak’s energy. 

They dance for what feels like a long time before the party finally calms down and it's just the two of them, plus Vilde, alone in the apartment. She and Isak are sitting on the fire escape, talking about something Even can't overhear. 

He's taken up Isaks typical role - emptying cans into the sink and rinsing them out so the entire place doesn’t stink of old beer in the morning. 

“...so I'm not sure. I like it so far. I really really like him,” Isak’s muffled voice says, and Even stops. He probably shouldn’t be hearing this. They must not realize the window is open a crack.

“Isn’t it a little fast?”

“Yeah, but it doesn't feel...wrong. It feels…”

“Right?” they both laugh.

“Wow, yeah, how could you have known what I was going to say? Yeah. Maybe...I don't know. Maybe I'm taking things too fast, but I already wasn't living at home.” There’s a long silence. Even can feel his heart pounding in his ears.

“You two seem like a good fit.”

The next thing Isak says almost breaks Even’s heart in half.

“I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New day, new chapter.

“Baby, are you ok? You’re shaking,” Even says, reaching out to almost touch Isak. They’re lying on the bed, watching a movie they've seen too many times before. It was a few minutes ago that Even noticed Isak’s hands were trembling, and only now has he worked up the courage to ask about it.

Isak shifts back from his touch, not breaking his gaze from the TV and Even’s eyebrows crinkle. Isak...doesn’t do that. He must be...Even doesn’t really know. Just as he’s starting to get lost in his thoughts, Isak moves forward toward him, burying his face in Even’s chest. Even wraps his arms around him and drops a kiss on the top of his head. Good. That’s good. Isak takes a deep breath before speaking. 

“Yeah, I’m just...I have an exam tomorrow,” he says, his voice shaking almost as much as his hands were moments before.

“Look at me,” Even says, moving back slightly so he can make direct eye contact. Isak’s eyes are glassy looking. He looks panicked in a way that Even hates but has gotten far too used to seeing in the months since they met. 

“Take a breath. You’re ok,” he says calmly, trying to mask his own nerves at seeing Isak like this. He might not like having to see Isak panicking, but at least he knows what to do. It’s a familiar routine at this point. 

He thinks it probably stems from Isak’s need to seem ok all the time, even if he’s not. It all has to come out somehow.

Isak nods, closing his eyes. Even rubs his back carefully, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

Later that night, when the only light in their tiny apartment is spilling in through the window, Even wakes up to an empty bed. He sits up, rubbing his eyes, and frowns when he sees the time is almost 2:00 AM. Isak can be restless, but he almost always stays in bed. At least Even thinks he does.

“Isak?” He calls, and when there’s no response, he tries not to jump to conclusions. “Isak!” Still nothing. He sighs, pushing himself out of bed, shivering in his boxers. Halfway to the bathroom, he realizes that the shower is running. He knocks on the door softly, barely stopping himself from just walking in.

“Who’s there?” Isak’s shaky voice calls out. Even frowns, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Who else would it be?” He asks slowly, and there’s a long pause. “Isak?” He asks again. 

“Oh...sorry,” he says, his voice breaking. “I...I just dozed off, I think. I’m...I’m just really tired,” he almost stutters. Even can feel his heart falling into his stomach.

“Ok,” he says slowly. “Why don’t you come out and we can go back to sleep? How does that sound?” He asks. He’s still half-asleep, his vision blurry. Again there’s a long pause, only the sound of the shower running.

“Ok,” Isak finally says softly. Another couple of second pass and the shower turns off. “Ok,” he repeats, slightly stronger.

He walks out and directly into Even’s arms, clutching him much tighter than necessary. He’s not wet, which is odd considering the shower, but Even can’t focus on much other than the way Isak’s arms feel around him.

“C’mon. Let’s go back to bed,” Even whispers, but Isak doesn’t move, just keeps his face pressed into Even’s chest. They stand there for a long time, holding each other, and Even thinks he can feel Isak’s heart beating against his own.

“Promise something,” Isak finally whispers. 

“Anything.”

“Stay with me. Don’t...don’t leave me all alone.” His lips are moving against Even’s bare skin, hesitant and careful.

“Of course. Yeah, of course,” Even says softly, leaning down to press a kiss to his head. Why that thought would come into Isaks head right now isn’t something Even wants to consider.

Although Isak insists he's exhausted, it takes almost an hour for him to get to sleep again. Even’s familiar with this too - Isak’s insomnia. It's gotten so bad lately that Even has even suggested he see someone about it, but Isak seems to absolutely hate that idea. 

_“Even. No. There are people who actually need to see Dr. Skrulle. I’m just...I drink a lot of caffeine. I need to cut back. That’s all,” Isak says._

_“Are you sure? Because I can go with you if you feel uncomfortable. I could go in with you...or...or wait outside if that worked better for you. I just don’t want to see you hurting like this. You could ask if she knew if any–”_

_“Even,” Isak cuts him off. He’s looking anywhere but at him. Even can’t help but feel...confused. He never wants to make Isak uncomfortable but that seems to be exactly what he’s doing. He’s trying so hard to help, but he just doesn’t know how._

_“Yes?” Even responds. There’s a long pause._

_“I already went,” Isak admits, finally looking up to meet Even’s eyes. Isak’s face is scrunched up with nerves._

_“What?” Even says. Isak takes a long time to reply as if he’s fighting with himself over whether or not to speak._

_“I already went to see Dr. Skrulle.”_

_“When was this?” Even asks after a second. Isak shrugs._

_“I don’t know...uhhh...I saw her for the insomnia in the fall.”_

_“Yeah? What’d she say?” Even asked. There’s another lengthy pause._

_“She basically told me that it wasn’t a problem,” Isak says. “Not enough for medication at least,” he amends, seeing Even’s confused expression. “She told me to come back and see her again if it got too much worse.”_

_“So...you should see her again?” Even suggests slowly._

_“This? Worse? No. This is better,” Isak laughs bitterly._

_“Better?” Even echoes. Isak barely sleeps on a good night. He has bags under his eyes, for fuck’s sake._

_“Yeah, trust me. I'm ok, I promise.”_

_“You’d let me know, though, if you ever need to get help for it?” Even asks._

_“I promise,” Isak says, nodding._

Now, though, Even wonders if it’s been getting worse without Isak saying anything. That seems...worryingly likely. But he has to trust Isak. What do they have if they don’t have trust?

Isak’s eyelids flutter open wearily, and he frowns when he sees Even’s awake. Even kisses his cheek, and the younger boy sighs.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, and Even shakes his head, running his thumb over Isak’s jawline. He hasn’t shaved in a while and Even can feel the difference. He can’t imagine Isak with an actual beard - the image just doesn’t mesh in his mind.

“Don’t be sorry,” he whispers back. He can hardly see in the dim light, but Isak’s eyes seem to cut through the darkness.

“I’m so...tired, Even,” he finally says, and Even doesn’t know how to reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
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> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! :)  
> It's great hearing from you!!!

“I have a migraine,” Isak mumbles and Even frowns. He presses a kiss to Isak’s forehead, and the younger boy just moves closer to him, burying his face in Even’s chest. They’re still in bed 20 minutes after they should be up, stripes of light and shadow from the blinds lying on their comforter.

“You want me to stay home?” Isak hesitates before he shakes his head. “Sure?” 

“Mmm.” 

Usually, if Isak is ill he’ll beg Even to stay home with him. It’s pretty strange for Isak to turn down any time with Even at all. Not to mention that never - not even once - has Isak had “a migraine.” At least not while Even’s known him. But, Even can respect what Isak wants. He gets him some water and some paracet and leaves him curled up in their darkened bedroom. 

So, reluctantly, Even leaves for work and class.

It’s hard to concentrate, knowing Isak’s home alone. He wishes he wasn't so clingy, that he could just exist without his boyfriend and feel alright. But he can't. 

He thinks about having lunch with the boys, but without Isak, it just feels weird. He’s done it before, but for some reason today he just feels weird about it. If he’s there early and then Isak shows up later it’s one thing, but without that pretense it’s different. He sits outside on the bench where he and Isak first talked and eats his packed cheese sandwich, checking his phone every few minutes just in case Isak wants to talk. 

By the middle of his free period, Isak still hasn’t texted him.He pulls out his phone, fingers hovering over the keyboard. He bites his lip. He doesn't want to seem overbearing but then again, he really wants to see how his boyfriend’s doing.

_hey love, how are you?_

He waits a few minutes, but there's no response. He's probably asleep, but Even figures he can read the texts when he wakes up.

_i’ll pick up dinner tonight. <3 _

_feel better Is._

_love yom, babe_

_*you_

So much for not texting. 

He gets to work a full 30 minutes earlier than usual because he doesn’t talk with Isak until the last possible moment. He works at the KB down the street from Nissen, so he always gets an influx of first and second years around 15:30.

He’s wiping down one of the machines when the bell over the door rings. 

“Hi...ummm…” he hears a familiar voice. It’s Vilde, paused in the doorway, biting her lip. She walks up to register slowly, tapping her fingers nervously on the counter.

“What can I get for you?” He asks once he’s remembered that he’s working and she’s probably wanting to order drinks.

“Two hot chocolates. One with extra whipped cream.” She bounces on the balls of her feet, still biting her lip. She still hasn't taken off her huge scarf, it's practically engulfing her. She’s wearing lipstick too, Even’s just noticed. 

Funny, Even didn’t think Magnus was big on hot chocolate. He struck Even as more the kind of person to eat sugar straight from a bag rather than wait for it to be transformed in any way. At least Even is assuming the other drink is for Magnus.

“Alright, is that all?” He asks, and she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

“Um...where was Isak today?” She asks, shifting uncomfortably. 

“He’s at home. Sick,” Even replies shortly, walking over to the Hot Cocoa machine. Vilde follows him, standing near where Even will place her drinks.

“Oh no, that’s so sad. Is he ok?” She looks genuinely concerned, and Even feels for the first time a bit of connection with her. 

“He should be fine. He says it’s just a migraine.”

Before Vilde can reply, Eva walks in, and her whole demeanor seems to change. She giggles, giving the taller girl a hug. Even smiles. Vilde is practically glowing, her eyes locked on Eva.

“So, can I get a name for the order?” He asks, joking, but Vilde doesn’t seem to acknowledge it.

“Vilde. V-I-L-D-E.”

“Umm…alright,” he says.

“Hi Even!” Eva says happily. Vilde is holding her hand.

“Hello!” He replies, wiping his hands on his apron.

“Even?” Vilde asks, sounding almost confused. 

“Hmm?” He hums, going back to the hot chocolate.

“You know Even, right Vilde?” Eva says slowly. 

“Oh! Even from Kosegruppe, right?” She asks. He nods, half a dumb smile plastered on his face in disbelief. 

“He’s also Isak’s boyfriend?” Eva says, widening her eyes and laughing slightly. 

“Oh right! I think I’ve seen you around!” She says quickly. Her eyes are pleading with him to play along, so he does, though he’s not sure why.

“Right. Ummm...here are your drinks,” Even says awkwardly. “Regular and extra whipped cream.”

“You remembered!” Eva says excitedly to Vilde. Vilde blushes slightly and drops her head, smiling. 

“Yeah, of course,” she says, beaming, and gives Even a little wave before grabbing her drink and walking over to one of the big armchairs.

It’s probably the weirdest thing that has happened to Even this week. Someone he thought he was becoming closer to acted as though she didn’t even remember his name. She’d been over to his and Isak’s apartment almost 3 times in the last week (which had been the weirdest collection of events up to this moment). Maybe she just was nervous? Even is pretty sure that Magnus and Vilde are dating. Or...he was sure. He’s less sure now.

The rest of the day he’s so distracted he fucks up three different orders, and his manager - under the guise of being nice, but really because she's aggravated - tells him to go home early.

On the tram, he checks his texts. Still nothing. He figures that isn’t too worrying considering the circumstances. He’s probably asleep or something. His logic doesn’t help his anxiety nearly as much as he hoped it would and he still checks his phone every few seconds. He stops in at a corner store to grab soup before heading back to the apartment. 

When he gets home at 6 Isak is still in the same spot, curled in bed, staring at nothing.

“Is?” He asks softly but Isak startles. 

“Who’s–” he cuts himself off. “Oh. Even! You’re back already?” He asks. Even squints slightly. Already? He’s been gone for eight hours. He decides to ignore that for now.

“You still have a headache?” He asks. Isak sniffles, rolling over.

“What?”

“Your headache? The one you stayed home from school for?” Even supplies. Isak looks confused for a second before recognition dawns on him.

“Oh! Yeah. I’m feeling better.” He keeps staring at nothing, and it’s then Even notices the glass of water and paracet are untouched. 

“That’s...good,” Even says slowly looking around the room. It looks like Isak hasn’t left the bed all day which is...unusual for Isak to say the least. Even’s usually the one to spend long hours in bed (and that’s not really up to him). Isak is typically up at a reasonable time and then around, even when he’s not feeling good. Maybe his exhaustion has weighed on him more than Even had realized. “Have you eaten?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I have soup. We’ll have some soup, yeah?” He says. Isak rolls back over to face the wall. “Isak?” He asks, and the younger boy sighs.

“I’m not hungry, Even.”

“Ok...I’ll...I’ll heat up soup anyhow and if you want any, it’ll be in the kitchen.”

“Fine,” he mumbles and Even hesitates.

“I’ll be back.”

“Do what you want.”

Even quietly shuts the door behind him. Something is wrong. He doesn’t really...no, that’s a lie. He knows what this reminds him of...but Isak? He and Isak are very different people. Isak isn’t like him. At least not in this way. He’s the sun, he’s the warmth. Even doesn’t know how to help.

By the time he’s back, Isak is still in the same position and Even sets down the food. He climbs into bed next to the smaller boy, wrapping his arms carefully around his shoulders. It’s the least he can do for Isak, just being there for him. It’s difficult to see his...anchor struggling. 

They lie there for a few minutes until Even feels his posture start to loosen up. Even grabs the food from the bedside table, shifting their bodies so they're both semi-upright. Isak sits up reluctantly, letting his cheek rest on Even’s shoulder.

“It’s chicken. With rice,” he says, and Isak takes the bowl carefully, stirring aimlessly.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he finally says, and Even frowns, tucking a blonde curl behind his ear.

“What are you talking about? Nothing’s wrong with you, Is.” Isak looks down at his bowl, and Even kisses his temple. “Nothing’s wrong with you,” he whispers again, and Isak finally turns to meet his gaze. 

He gives a weak, barely-there smile, but there’s something in his eyes that Even’s sure means Isak knows something he doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
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> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are loving hearing from all of you! Any theories? Share them below! :)

“Hey boys!” Even says brightly, walking up to what has become their usual table since the new semester started. It was always the ‘Bois and Cat Hooker’ table, but now Even’s included. It’s nice to have friends again.

Last semester he had friends, of course, he’s a sociable, likable and charming guy (or at least he’s been told), but they weren’t like his friends at Bakka. It wasn’t by any fault of theirs, but more because of his own worry. He’d been so careful about getting attached this time. 

When he first met his Bakka friends, he didn’t need to worry about scaring them off or disappearing for long stretches of time. Those friendships were unstrained. The new ones could probably have been that way too if he was willing to take the same kinds of risks he didn’t realize he was taking with his Bakka friends. 

In the end, he hadn’t had to make that choice. Isak’s friends already understood. He didn’t have to explain anything to them. It was easier than having to carve out his own place in a new group. And besides the group being almost ready-made, he genuinely enjoyed the friendship of the other boys. They reminded him of his own back at Bakka. Too much at times. It was still painful to remember what he’d lost. This, though? This was going to help him forget.

“Hey, Ev!” They chorus in response. 

“Magnus was just letting us know in graphic detail how little sex he has had,” Mahdi says. Seconds later he’s dodging Magnus’s hat. 

“I have all the sex,” Magnus states proudly. “All of it you fuckers,” he reiterates when Jonas cracks up so hard his milk shoots out of his nose. 

“Listen to this!” He says, gasping for breath and wiping milk off of his shirt. “Hi. My name is Magnus. I’m 17 years old and not a virgin because I have ‘all the sex’.”

“Hi I'm Magnus and I never fuckin learned how to read!” Even adds smiling. Jonas groans, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“You watch too many vine compilations Ev,” Mahdi says, shaking his head.

“Do I really seem like that much of a virgin to you guys?” Magnus asks, and Jonas laughs.

“Yep,” Even says.

“100 percent,” Jonas agrees. 

“You called boobs ‘Teats’. No one will sleep with you,” Mahdi says.

“Vilde and I have had sex. Multiple times.” He raises his eyebrows when no one seems convinced. He tries a new tactic. “Even would sleep with me, right? You got me, right Even?” Magnus pleads.

“Do you like Hot Chocolate?” Even asks. 

“...is that a sex thing?” Magnus asks slowly. Mahdi snorts but doesn't correct him.

“No...” Jonas says through his laughter.

“Then not really,” he replies. Even smiles. He was right. He can read people’s drink likes just like a proper barista. 

“In answer to your question, nope. I am in a happy committed relationship and Isak doesn’t want to have a threesome with you,” he says, and Magnus groans.

“Did you at least ask?” he scoffs, and Even nods.

“I said I was going to ask and I asked.” Even had not asked. For obvious reasons.

“Ask him again!” Magnus insists. Even sighs and pulls out his phone. Just another Thursday, he thinks. Wait. Thursday. 

“Have any of you seen Isak?” Even says, looking up from his phone. 

“Why?” Mahdi asks. 

“He usually meets me here for lunch on Thursdays. He hasn’t texted me anything saying he won’t be here,” Even says. Jonas checks his phone. 

“He didn’t text me either,” he says, frowning slightly. 

“I mean...he’s not the most reliable,” Mahdi suggests. “He skipped a lot of stuff last semester.”

“Yeah, but the difference is he was skipping that stuff to be with me,” Even argues.

“He’s probably in the library or something then,” Mahdi suggests. 

“He is pretty habitual though,” Jonas says, and Mahdi shrugs.

“Do I really seem like that much of a virgin to you guys?” Magnus asks again, and Mahdi groans. 

“Yes. Yes, you do.”

“Mags, seriously. Drop it. We all think you’re a virgin and we might have misplaced Isakyaki. Where's our rapping sushi side dish, Magnus?” Jonas says

“Oh, you should've just asked, he said he was going out for lunch. He texted the group chat,” he says as if they haven't been talking about exactly this for the past few minutes.

“What?” Mahdi says, tapping through his phone. “Oh yeah. He did. I think we all have notifications on that one turned off after the ‘what do you mean girls don’t have prostates’ fiasco of...all of March.”

“Oh. That explains it,” Jonas says nodding. 

“I still have notifications turned on,” Magnus says, sounding somewhat defeated.

“Exactly,” Mahdi says leveling Magnus with a look. Magnus put their group chat through so much bullshit in March it became practically unusable afterward. 

“But out for lunch? Without me?” Even pouts exaggeratedly. But for real...he’s a little...disappointed? No. Isak can do what Isak wants to do. Isak is independent. Well, that's not really true. Isak forgets what day it is when Even isn't around to remind him. 

Isak’s memory is...hit or miss. With biology, he can remember whichever esoteric piece of trivia Sana wants to challenge him on that day. With basic things like...well...feeding himself, when bills are due, and, on one memorable occasion, what year it was...it’s another story. Even’s pretty sure it’s the sleep deprivation, but Isak jokes that he’s just one step closer to fulfilling his dream of becoming a mad scientist. In all likelihood, Isak forgot what day it was or that he usually meets Even at the kafeteria and just got talking with one of his other friends. Even tries to walk with him to classes, but they’d both had tests this week that made that almost impossible.

Isak has been off lately, Even’s sure of that. He isn’t really sure how, though. He’d had that one day where Even’d been convinced that he was depressed, but then he’d bounced back, not to his usual, but not as concerning as the day before. He’s been forgetful. He’d been more anxious than Even can remember ever seeing him before. He’d been...for lack of a better word...moody? All of it could be his screwed up sleep but Even isn’t entirely sure. If this lunch is a sign he’s feeling better, well, Even can’t complain. Maybe this will be what Isak needs (and what Even can’t give him). 

That said, he’s not in much of a mood to hang out with the boys, so with a quick goodbye, he heads to the library, dialing Isak’s number as he’s walking down the hall.

“Hey,” Isak says after a few rings. His voice sounds rough.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Oh, shit, sorry,” he says, his words punctuated with a sniffle. “Forgot to tell you I was leaving early today.”

“You sick?” Another sniffle.

“No, no, it’s not that.” There are an awkward few beats of silence. “I, I uh…” his voice breaks. “I'm fine.”

Even has so many questions at the tip of his tongue but he knows he shouldn’t ask them. _Are you ok? Where are you? What are you doing? What are you thinking?_

“I’ll see you at home, ok?” He finally says. There’s another silence.

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!
> 
> Loving all of your theories!!! :)

“You never call me anymore,” Eskild says as soon as Even answers the ringing phone. “Oh...Even!” He says a second later, finally registering the face appearing on the other end of the conversation. 

“Yeah, I know, not who you were hoping for,” he jokes, walking from the kitchen toward their small living area. Isak’s sitting at their tiny table, taking notes.

“No!” Eskild protests. “Better! Much better! The superior member of Evak.”

“Thanks, Eskild,” Isak says, taking the phone from Even and moving in front of the camera. 

“Oh, smelly Isak! Just who I was looking to call.”

“Hi ‘skild. Is Linn also around, or is it just you today?” He asks. He’s beaming. Even wishes he could be this happy all the time. He looks so sweet when he smiles.

“Why didn’t you love us this much when you lived here?” Eskild asks and Isak laughs. Even loves the sound of that laugh. Fuck.

“I always loved you ‘skild,” Isak says shaking his head in exasperation. 

“With all of your heart?” Eskild asks.

“With at least 10% of it.”

“Good enough,” Eskild decides. “How have things been at the love nest?” He asks. 

“Get back here Isak!” Nooras voice calls from off camera. “Your room is a mess.”

“That's not my fault!” He says. She pokes her head into frame.

“Eh, ja,” she says, raising her eyebrows. It's odd to see her without any lipstick on.

“Eh, nei, Noora. That's your room now.” Eskild says.

“Isak’s left behind at least three socks. And I don’t even want to know what the stuff on the wall next to light switch is,” she says.

“It’s soup,” Even supplies. “Isak made me dinner in bed when I was feeling down and he dropped some when he turned on the light” 

“Yeah ‘soup’ sure. I’m not touching it. Isak has to come back to clean it up for me after school this week.” 

“This seems like a very elaborate ploy to have me visit the Kollectiv,” Isak says slowly. “You realized that I can just take the tram over, right? You guys...you’re special. I’ll be back anytime you say.”

“Now,” Eskild says with a smile. “I miss the baby Jesus.”

“To clean up his mess,” Noora adds with a smile. She disappears from the frame. Eskild turns his head.

“He’s exempt,” he says. “He found true love. That means he doesn’t have to clean for the wicked stepmother, Noora. Everyone knows that.”

“Faen, I've seen your apartment, Isak, it's just as gross as your room used to be,” she says from off camera.

“That's all Even’s fault,” Isak says.

“No, I'm very clean.” Even adds, and he shoves his shoulder.

“Your room was clean all of one time and that was the first time I saw it. After that? No cleaning.”

“At least I’m not as bad as Magnus…” Even argues, accepting that he won’t win this argument when the facts point to his “disorganized artist” thing translating to “fucking messy”. 

“I once saw Magnus wrap a slice of pizza in a pair of dirty sweatpants to store it,” Isak says seriously. Noora makes a gagging sound.

“I have to leave. That is disgusting. I’ll pick up your mess, Isak, but you owe me,” she calls.

“Fine.”

“Big time. And I don’t want it to stay here.”

“Fine!” he says, and she shuts her bedroom door.

Eskild stands up, the camera following, and grabs something from the fridge. He walks down the hallway and Even can’t help but feel slightly dizzied by his camera work. Note to self, he thinks humorously, never hire Eskild to run a camera. 

“Linnnnn,” he sing-songs. “I brought you some Pepsi Max! And an Issy-bean!” 

“Mphrmm,” Linn says, her voice muffled by the layers of blankets covering her face. 

“Do you want me to leave the Pepsi for you?” Eskild asks much more softly. There’s some aggressive movement from underneath the blanket pile which Eskild must interpret as head nodding. 

“I love you, Linn,” Isak says quietly as Eskild moves from her room. He shuts the door behind him before he starts to speak again. 

“Linn’s been feeling...not great for a bit. There’s been some medication adjustment and well…you know how that is.” 

“Eskild,” Even jumps in after a few moments of silence. “How have you been? Anything...interesting...happening in your life?” Eskild brightens slightly. 

“Well….I finally fucked that bartender from that newish bar...uhhhh…” he trails off before giving up on remembering the name, “well...you know the one. It wasn’t great but, oh well….he was only a bit hot. His personality was fine but…you know, you can't always win.”

“You can do better,” Isak and Even say in chorus. It’s become almost a habit for Eskild to share his sexual exploits with Isak and Even (and often go into unnecessarily graphic detail) and for them to assure him that he is better than the peasants he has chosen to grace with his presence. 

“I know,” Eskild says with a smile. “They are all beneath me, Eskild, the supreme being of this world. Gay man extraordinaire,” he says adopting a haughty voice. He stops, laughing as he does so. “Well, you know...just another day…”

The conversation continues in much the same way, Eskild telling stories and Even and Isak reacting at the appropriate times. It’s comfortable. Providing an audience for Eskild is something they’ve been doing since long before they had to do it over Skype calls. 

“Even! Did I ever tell you the story about the time that Isak and I went to the movies and thought we were going to die?” Eskild says, laughing. 

“No?” He says looking over at Isak.

“Eskild...no. It’s...embarrassing,” Isak says. His smile has gone a bit strained. 

“Nonsense, Isak. It’s a perfectly good story,” Eskild says continuing on. “We went out to dinner as a kollectiv and we had drinks, obviously, and Isak must’ve had way too much because he said he kept seeing like...what was it?”

“I don’t remember that Eskild,” Isak says, though the clear blush on his cheeks says otherwise.

“That makes sense, you were probably blacked out,” Eskild says, waving a hand. “You kept screaming ‘Oh fuck I’m se-”

“Eskild. No.” There’s no mistaking Isak’s tone for anything other than deadly serious. Eskild rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Well…” he trails off awkwardly, “We sure were wild back then, weren’t we?”

“Yeah...sure sounds like it,” Even says after a second. There’s some silence, and unlike the silences earlier in the conversation, this one is markedly tense. Eskild seems to be searching for anything to say to ease the discomfort. He’ll open his mouth as if he’s going to start speaking and cut himself off after only an “oh” or a “hmmmm”. Finally, he settles on something.

“Your dad came around earlier. He was looking for you.” It has the opposite reaction that Eskild was probably hoping for. Instead of decreasing the tension, it only seems to build. Even can physically feel Isak’s muscles tense against him.

“What?” Isak asks, his face going almost blank in the few seconds it took for him to process Eskild’s words. Eskild doesn’t seem to register the change in Isak’s demeanor and plows on ahead.

“Yeah. He didn’t seem to know you’d moved. He finally took you up on an invitation to visit after all this time and you’d already moved out,” Eskild huffs out an awkward laugh. Isak’s become very still. 

“You didn’t tell him where I am, right,” Isak asks. “You can’t have given him the new address?” Isak reaches over and tries to grip one of Even’s hands, but misses and winds up grasping at his shirt. He doesn’t let go as if it’s anchoring him somehow. It trembles, and he makes a little, choked sound. 

“Isak?” Eskild asks. Isak takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, are you -”

“I have to go,” he says quietly and hangs up before Eskild has the chance to reply.

They sit for a few moments in silence before Isak starts to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! :)

Isak doesn’t mention the phone call. Though to be fair, it’s not like he spends a lot of time talking about things he’s said to his friends normally. When they’re at home there might be one or two mentions of people he’s talked to recently or a “maybe we should go visit Eskild at some point,” so Even is really more curious than concerned. At least about that. There’s some other concerning incidents that take up far more of Even’s mind than a simple phone call (no matter how out of the ordinary it may have seemed at the time). He only really remembers to bring it up after Isak (yet again) turns down beer at a small pregame with the boys and calls off going to the larger party entirely.

“Hey,” he says, and Isak’s tired eyes open, blinking slowly. They’re lying in bed, facing each other. “It’s ok if you...had a drinking problem.” He figured the best way to approach the subject is to just attack it head-on. It would explain a lot, wouldn’t it? Maybe Isak used to self-medicate to get to sleep? Maybe he’s shaky from not have drunk in a while? It’s a tenuous theory, but if it was true it would make things so much easier.

Isak frowns. He’s soft from sleep, his curls a mess. Even doesn’t want to disturb the perfect calm between them, but the question has been gnawing at him.

“Is this about…” Isak trails off, waiting for Even to finish the sentence.

“The thing with Eskild. The story? I didn’t...I -” 

“It’s not that, Even. I’m not an alcoholic,” Isak says, cutting him off abruptly.

“But if you ever...were worried about becoming one...I’m here for you,” Even says. Isak has a tense, almost worried look on his face, and it takes him a minute to fill the silence. His eyes track something invisible on the ceiling.

“Even...that’s…” he trails off again as if trying to decide what to say. “That’s really sweet of you.” He still looks uncomfortable, so Even tries to backtrack.

“I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t pressuring you. I just have spent so much time... resenting the fact that I’m not allowed to drink as much as anyone else that I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to pressure you to have that kind of experience for me….or the other way around? I know I complain about being Russ and not drinking -” Isak cuts him off again.

“This really only has the slightest correlation to you, Ev.” He pauses, and gives a short sigh, rubbing his eyes with his wrist. “I just...after meeting you I decided to try to take better care of myself, starting with doing things I actually enjoyed. I really hate the taste of most alcohol and I don’t exactly feel great when I’m hungover puking, so...” He still looks so uneasy. 

“Really?” Even asks. The thing is, they’ve been going out for what can actually be classed as ‘a while’ (almost 6 full months, and that’s not even counting the few false starts before they really got their shit together in the beginning, although arguably they could count that too if they were feeling hard-pressed) but Even still can’t really believe any of it’s real. He still feels...unsure sometimes. It’s just that Isak is so pretty. Maybe it’s strange to describe a boy as pretty but Isak is. Handsome and pretty and beautiful - in what he says and does and wears and looks like. Even sometimes forgets that they’re actually going out and feels like he’s still that boy with the crush who’s coming up with some convenient excuses to hang out with Isak (like the paper towels and weed and the ‘forgetting’ his id). 

He still feels wrong-footed sometimes, like he’s just managed to trick his perfect guy into being with him. ‘Surprise! I’m still screwed up!’ He sometimes feels like saying, just to test out if Isak will turn tail and run like Even has thought he would so many times. He doesn’t want to give Isak any more reasons than just his usual failings to leave him. “You decided that because of me?”

“Yeah,” Isak says more confidently. “I...you’re the man of my life,” he teases, a little smile creeping onto his face, and that makes Even start to relax, “And I love you.”

“You drank at the housewarming, didn’t you?” He did. Even distinctly remembers. Vilde took his beer, told him he shouldn’t drink - does Vilde know about this? Does she know more than Isak’s actual boyfriend does?

“One beer. Ok, so maybe I’m drinking a little, but definitely not getting shitfaced anymore,” he amends, and Even looks him in the eyes. They’re an in-between color - not quite blue, not quite green.

“And you’d tell me if something was going on?” He asks, keeping his gaze steady.

“Sure,” Isak says easily. 

“I love you too.”

They walk to school together that morning. The air is crisp and cold and there’s frost on the sidewalk outside their building. Isak’s scarf comes up over his chin, almost covering his mouth. He likes to hold Even’s hand when they walk, even though everyone says it makes them look like little kids. Even thinks he just likes to feel something warm.

While Isak is in the KB buying their coffees, Even picks a little bouquet of dandelions. It’s still so cold, but they’re growing all the same.

When Isak comes back outside, Even doesn’t waste any time tucking one of them behind his ear. Isak blushes, laughing softly. Even pulls him into a hug, closing his eyes, and Isak gives another little laugh.

“I’m gonna drop the drinks,” he says through a laugh, and Even pulls back, eyes focused completely on Isak’s face. His delicate features. The pink flush on his cheeks. He runs his thumb over Isak’s jaw, and the younger boy smiles. “What?”

“Nothing. You look nice, that’s all.” Isak raises his eyebrows.

“Yeah? Is it the flower? Does it suit me?”

“Oh yeah. It’s very handsome.” Isak rolls his eyes, handing Even his paper cup of coffee before adjusting his backpack. “You’re a dandelion boy.”

“You’re a dork,” he says, starting back on the walk to school. Even takes a few strides to catch up, and Isak plucks the flower from behind his ear, twirling it between his fingers. He hesitates before placing it carefully behind Even’s ear before giving him a small, chaste kiss. “Looks better on you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

“Babe? Isak?” 

“I'm not hungry, Ev,” Isak says for what must be the 10th time that day.

“You gotta eat. You’re a scientist. You know this, Is,” Even tries to reason.

“Whatever. Can we watch a movie?” he mumbles, and Even walks up behind him where he’s sitting at the tiny dining table, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. Two textbooks are open in front of him, his notebook covered in seemingly random scribbles and highlighter. He’s been studying for what seems like an age.

“No. Food first,” he says firmly, trying to not give in to his growing desire to just let Isak do what he wants and be happy with that. He doesn't know what’s changed (or if nothing’s changed and he’d only been too wrapped up in their new romance to notice) but Isak now needs help taking care of himself.

“Why do you care about me so much? I need to find a boyfriend who doesn’t like me so much so I can just never eat,” Isak says jokingly. Or at least Even hopes he’s joking. He’s always worried about crossing some sort of line he didn’t know existed and losing the best person in his life. 

“You’re never getting rid of me. You’ll just have to suffer,” Even decides to joke back.

“What are you making for dinner?” Isak asks after a few moments. 

“I made pizza,” he replies. Isak perks up somewhat, and Even laughs. “You like that?”

“It’s ok,” Isak teases back. “You can cook...I guess.” He flips the page in one of his textbooks, grabbing the highlighter. He twirls it between his fingers.

“You guess?” Even responds smiling. “You think I might be able to cook...a little?” Isak shrugs.

“Yeah,” he replies, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Just a little bit?”

“Yeah. Only a bit though.” 

“And you could do better?” Even asks with a laugh.

“I am the fucking master of cooking!” Isak says, laughing too now. He looks up from his book.

“Really?” 

“Yeah. The best,” he says with a nod. 

“How do you turn on the stove?” Even asks teasingly. 

“Fuck off! I can do that!” Isak says, shaking his head. He highlights a seemingly random line of text, scribbling something in his notebook.

“I’ve...never had your cooking,” Even says. He pauses to try to think of a single example where Isak cooked, but besides some canned soup and some sandwiches, he can’t come up with anything. “You always bring us take out when it’s your turn to get dinner.” 

“Yeah...well…” Isak trails off. 

“It’s ok if you can’t cook,” Even says, more seriously. “I could...I could teach you?” He offers. He hopes he doesn’t sound condescending.

“Ummm...thanks for the offer...but...I did actually cook for myself for a long time.”

“Yeah?” Even frowns. Isak seems so...not able to cook or do basic domestic things. So to find out he is capable of them and actually might have just gotten burned out on doing them...is strange. 

“Yeah...but a refresher could always be nice?” Isak says. Even brightens. 

“Anything for you!” He’s glad the conversation has made his boyfriend at least a little brighter, even if it’s a temporary change. He kisses the top of Isak’s head, and the younger boy leans back against him, letting out a sigh.

“I’m tired. Do I have to learn to cook right now?” He asks. 

“No, lucky for you all the cooking is done for today. And we can always get delivery or something later,” Even says. They’re silent for a bit. Even turns into the kitchen to get a slice of pizza for each of them as Isak flips another page in his textbook. Even returns with two paper plates and two cups of tea, setting them down on the cluttered table, and Isak finally closes his book.

He takes a hesitant bite before setting the piece back down. Usually Isak loves Even’s pizza. All the recent not eating is starting to make Even think Isak is just...sick. Maybe the stomach flu? He even went so far as to test Isak’s forehead for a fever, but the younger boy seems completely healthy. Or, he at least doesn’t have the flu.

He picks at his food for a little while longer, then dumps way too much sugar into his tea. At least Even thinks it’s way too much.

“Is it caffeine free?” He asks, and Even nods. In an effort to alleviate his insomnia, Isak’s stopped drinking any caffeine after 12 in the afternoon. So far not much has changed, but it lets them feel like they’re doing something instead of just waiting for it to go away. 

“It’s that one from...what is it called? Tealounge? The one with the gold flakes,” Even says, and Isak smiles, showing a hint of his teeth.

“You remembered I like that one?” he sounds so genuinely touched it makes Even laugh. It was a specialty tea house in Grunerlokka they’d found a while ago on a date - it was called “glitter og gull” and it was basically just black tea with little stars and gold flakes but Isak absolutely loved it. Even hadn’t forgotten, of course, and the next time he was in Grunerlokka without Isak he bought a tin for his birthday. Granted, his birthday wasn’t til June, but Even likes to be prepared.

He thought that today would be a good day to open it, though. Give Isak something else to smile about.

“Yeah, of course. That’s what boyfriends do. They remember shit like that.” Isak’s eyelids flutter and for a second Even thinks he might start to cry. But, he just sniffles and looks down at the cup, then back up at Even. 

“Thanks. I really really like...I really like this tea. It’s great.”

So, they sit at the tiny table, Isak sipping his drink, and Even finishing off his slice of pizza. The sun is starting to set, and it casts a golden orange glow over the whole room. The shadows are long and soft and the light catches in Isak’s curls. They’re like a halo, framing his face. God, what would Even do if he got a haircut? 

Eventually, when they’re both done and they’ve washed the dishes (Isak dries, Even rinses) they end up in bed, just staring at each other. It’s probably a strange thing to do, but every so often, they’ll just lie together - not touching or kissing or anything, just looking. The sun’s set now, and the room is a cool grey-blue.

Isak rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, breaking the spell.

“I can do things. You believe I can do things, right?” he asks, and at first Even thinks he’s joking, but on second glance his face is dead serious. Even nods, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“I think you are completely capable of doing anything you put your mind to,” he affirms. Isak turns his head to look at him.

“Completely capable. Nice,” he says with a smile, though it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Yeah. It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

“Ev?” Isak asks. 

“Yeah,” he answers, looking up from his computer screen. Isak shifts slightly before walking over to sit next to Even on their couch. 

“So you know how one might stalk….someone,” Isak pauses slightly before continuing, “before getting to know them? Not like, real stalking, like...internet.” 

“Yeah?” Even asks, tilting his head. Isak looks down. He tugs the blanket down from where it hangs over the back of the couch and covers his feet.

“So...hypothetically...if–”

“Are you blushing?” Even interrupts.

“NO!” Isak says too loudly. “Not really…” he tries to amend, but his face is very pink. 

“Awwweee. You have a crush,” Even says smiling. Isak shoves his shoulder, laughing.

“Yeah. On your moms,” Isak replies quickly.

“Good choice. They’re great women,” Even replies with a smile. “Probably not into...2nd-year boys, but you can dream, right?” 

“Boys? I am a man, thank you,” Isak replies, rolling his eyes.

“Of course you are, sweetheart.” 

“I-I’m not...I’m not sweet. I’m tough!” Isak jokes. 

“Sure, love. Continue with your story,” Even says, smiling. Isak huffs out a sigh and shakes his head. 

“Faen.”

“You were saying something about stalking?” Even asks. He’s curious now. He thinks he knows what this is about, but with Isak, he’s beginning to realize, you can never be entirely sure of anything. 

“So...I...I mean somebody. I have a friend who stalked a person they were interested in on the internet and now might want to bring up things they saw but aren’t sure how to because it feels invasive?” Isak finishes. 

“Aw...that’s sweet. I’d say...just ask, and if it’s too personal, they’ll say something. What do you want to know?”

“Thanks, Ev. Magnus will be thrilled with that advice,” Isak says, starting to stand. Even begins to laugh. 

“What? No! Isak…” Even whines. 

“Fine...I might have...looked you up and watched your Captain American and Putin video...about five-hundred times…” Isak trails off, dropping himself back down on the couch.

“That’s so sweet!”

“It kinda is, isn’t it?”

“I had such an easier time,” Even mentions, glancing over at Isak. 

“You? You stalked me?” Isak asks surprised.

“You thought only you had a monopoly on stalking really hot guys?” 

“No...I just...why? I’m not...special?” Isak says unsure. Even’s eyebrows shoot up.

“The fuck?”

“I just mean...I’m not cute, or anything. Or cool. Not like you.” Even turns his body so he’s facing his boyfriend, and cups his cheek carefully. Isak raises an eyebrow and quirks a smile but doesn’t say anything.

“You’re the cutest, coolest person I know,” Even says, absolutely serious. “It wasn’t a mistake I wound up in all of the same places as you, you know.”

“So you’ve said,” Isak says, his hand coming up to hold Even’s. They lace their fingers together.

“But I really mean it. It’s like...you know when you’re just going about your business and then you see the single most beautiful person you’ve ever seen in your life and in that moment you decide that you will do anything short of actual murder in order to see them again?” 

“That’s...oddly specific,” Isak says. He’s blushing, on his way to being bright red.

“But relatable?” Even asks. Isak won’t meet his gaze, his eyes focused on their intertwined hands.

“...yeah. Obviously.”

“And then you work out an elaborate plot involving always sitting exactly across the room from them and trying to initiate ‘casual’ and ‘naturally occurring’ eye contact.”

“Ok…” Isak laughs softly, rolling his eyes.

“And you join all of their clubs even though you have no real interest in baking bread and doing trust exercises just because you had it on good authority from a source that this person was going to have to show up.”

“Wait? What the fuck? A source?”

“It’s strictly confidential. Need to know basis. And you don’t need to know.”

“You don’t have to tell this story,” he says quietly, and Even presses a kiss to his jaw.

“Don’t forget it and I won’t have to tell it,” he says, and Isak tilts his head back, lips parting just enough, silently asking for a kiss. Even gladly obliges. By the time they break apart, Isak is practically in his lap, his fingers tangled in his hair. Before things can go any farther, Even places a hand on the younger boy’s chest. “Love you.” Isak smiles. 

“But really, Is,” Even starts and Isak backs up enough to look him in the eyes. “What did you want to know about Captain America and Putin’s forbidden love affair?” He’s predicting something along the lines of “why are you so weird?” He’s really not anticipating what Isak actually asks. 

“Who’s Mikael?” Isak asks and Even freezes. “Ev?” Isak asks after a few seconds. Even call feel the blood draining from his face. “Babe? Was he...your ex, or something?”

“Umm…” He starts. Even knew that this (or something like this) would come up eventually. He had had every intention of telling Isak everything he wanted to know if it ever did. For some reason, though, he feels blindsided by the question. He can’t seem to form words to properly explain. 

“Did you want to be together?” Isak asks after a few more moments. Even is quick to shake his head. He’s pretty sure he never wanted to date Mikael. Or rather the idea had never seriously crossed his mind. It was more like the random “I wonder what that would be like” or the concept of having a person besides Sonja in his life that he had thought about. 

At that point, he wasn’t even sure he liked boys. And when Mikael shunned him after the...incident, combined with his untreated bipolar, he spiraled out of control. It was months before Elias or Yousef even reached out to ask how he was, and by then Even wasn’t exactly eager to talk to any of them.

“No...Mikael...he...they,” He pauses for a moment. “They were my best friend. Or rather one of my best friends. But I say that in the video, obviously.”

“Oh,” Isak says, and Even can see a little tension leaving his shoulders. Was he...jealous? He had thought he’d made it quite clear how much he loved Isak. Was he doing something wrong?

“Back at Bakka I had a group of friends, and Mikael was one of them, and we were really tight until, uh...well, you have to understand I was off my meds and I-” he’s completely rambling, “-just couldn’t…” He forces himself to slow down. “I kissed them, and they...I don’t know. We didn’t talk after that. They wouldn’t talk to me. And I just spiraled. None of them would talk to me and I’m not sure if they knew or if they cared or if they...had ever cared?”

“I’m sorry,” Isak finally whispers, and Even wants to stop the story there. To make it easy. But that...that wouldn’t be fair to Isak. It wouldn’t be right. (It wouldn't be fair to Even either if he’s really thinking about it.)

“I tried to...kill myself.”

Isak goes very still. He’s completely quiet, so Even keeps talking.

“That was why I had to re-do third year, and I’m totally fine now, I swear, but I...I don’t know if Mikael or any of them ever found out or if they did...It’s not productive to think about it, I guess. But that’s the story about them. And Mikael.”

Isak is still quiet, and he blinks quickly like he does when he’s about to cry. He bites his lip, and before Even can try to reassure him any more, he pulls the taller boy into a tight hug, his face pressed into the crook of his neck. Even can feel the hot little tears on his boyfriend's cheeks, and it almost breaks his heart completely.

It takes a while for Isak to collect himself, and when he pulls away, he puts his hands on Even’s cheeks. Their foreheads touch, and Isak just...looks at him. Their breathing is soft and they just sit there, Isak crying, Even trying not to.

“I love you,” he finally says, and Even opens his mouth to reply, but Isak shakes his head. “For real. Trust me. I love you.”

“Don’t give me the speech. The suicide speech,” Even says and Isak cracks a small smile.

“Don’t forget it and I won’t have to tell you,” he says. There are still tears on his cheeks, so Even wipes them with his thumb.

“No more crying. We’re gonna have a good night, right?” Even asks, and Isak nods, choking out a little laugh.

“Do you want to know what else I did while stalking you?” He asks, his voice still shaky from crying.

“What?”

“I watched some Baz Luhrmann,” he says proudly.

“Really?” Even’s not entirely surprised. Isak likes research and he likes being complete about things. It only follows that he would be just as thorough in his so-called ‘stalking’ of Even. “Did you like it?”

“Pretty cheesy, but yeah. It was good.”

“You’re such a dork for movies like that,” Even says, smiling. When they first met, Isak was so conscious of maintaining his ‘I’m a straight man’ exterior that it sometimes bled into other parts of his life subconsciously. Even can remember a time when Isak would flat out refuse to watch anything that seemed to have a hint of a love story in it. He’d say something weakly trying to defend masculine gender roles and Even would just frown. Eventually, Isak mentioned how even his close friends, like Jonas, would tease him for his taste in music and movies, so he’d worked hard to cultivate his movie and music taste into something that he thought of as tougher. It makes Even feel...lighter somehow that Isak can be more open with him, even if it took a while.

“Maybe I am. But you’re way more of a dork than me.”

“Ok Mister ‘I pushed myself to learn English just so I didn’t have to use subtitles on Grease’,” Even says.

“Ok fine, we’re both dorks,” Isak says wetly, still sniffling from his crying jag. He rests his head against Even’s shoulder. “I love you,” he whispers after a second. 

“I love you too,” Even says, smiling.

“But not as much as Magnus loves you!” Isak jokes, and Even laughs. 

“Was he on about the threesome again?” he asks, and Isak jerks his head upright.

“What?!” he asks, his voice almost cracking.

“He wants a threesome. He hasn’t told you?” Isak shakes his head. “Oh. Well, he wants a threesome.”

“Why? No! Did you...consider it?” Isak asks, eyes wide.

“I mean...for a second,” Even jokes. “But seriously...no. Of course not. I don’t think he’s really serious. I mean, I hope he’s not.”

“I’m...actually not that surprised.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean. He’s really into Vilde,” Isak says, hesitating. 

“...but?”

“But...he’s very interested in how gay sex works,” he finishes, and Isak nods.

“I would be too. But there's porn. And Google.”

“That’s why I think he has a crush on you,” Isak says smiling. 

“Really?” Even asks, squinting slightly. “I guess it makes some sense. But really, I could never share you. You’re too good to share.” Isak blushes furiously, rolling his eyes. “You’re way too hot.”

“Shut up,” he says, and Even smirks.

“And how would I even know what to do with another person? You’re the...man of my life,” Even says.

“Just smile at one of his jokes and he’ll be happy forever,” Isak says, still red in the face. 

“Isn’t that what I did with you?” Even asks teasingly. 

“No, I don’t think so.”

“That’s right! I got it backwards. You laughed at all of mine and here we are.”

“Here we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! Fell asleep before posting (I know...it's only 7. I'm a tired girl...).
> 
> But it's up now! :) Yayyy!!!

Eskild has been inviting them over for a dinner party ever since they moved out, and today is the day they finally decided to take him up on it. Well, technically they decided about a week ago, but Even liked to think he had the option to back out until the last minute.

They showed up with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of cheap wine, immediately engulfed in hugs from Eskild and Noora. Linn is setting the table, and surprisingly she looks pleased to be up.

“You two clean up nicely,” Eskild says as they walk in, and Noora clears her throat. She shoots Eskild a glance and he seems to get the message, his face lighting up. “Oh! Yes! Isak, we meant to ask you about what you left behind in the closet? And the laundry room?”

“Did I leave something behind?” He asks, looking genuinely confused, and Noora bites her lip.

“Some clothes. And there were a bunch of empty coke bottles. And some school books? Notebooks?” She says, and Isak nods.

“Alright. Sorry about that. I'll grab it on the way out,” he says, and she seems happy with that.

The dinner is take out from the restaurant Eskild waits tables at, and Even is beyond glad. First, because Eskild works at an incredible Italian place, and second, Eskild’s cooking is questionable at best.

They talk about how Noora’s Russ group (Eva, Vilde, and Chris, who Even has yet to talk to beyond nodding hello as they pass in the hall) got combined with the Pepsi Max group, and Even can't help but wonder why exactly that's relevant. Isak seems very skeptical about the whole thing, so that makes Even think it's probably not a great thing, but still, he's not sure why it's all so important.

Well, he knows why, he just doesn't see it the same way. 

Apparently they wanted to buy some bus, which Noora is sure to emphasize the cost of, and Sana brokered a deal with the girls in Pepsi Max so their own group didn't have to pay a cent. Seems like a recipe for disaster, if Even’s honest, but Noora seems happy.

By the time they’re finished, everyone’s plate is clean - except for Isak’s. Even doesn't comment on it, but Eskild wastes no time bringing it up.

“Isakyaki, would you prefer sushi?” He teases, and Isak shifts in his seat. Though it's not obvious, Even can tell he's uncomfortable.

“I’m good, ‘skild.”

“We have fruit? We have those weird protein shakes that Noora bought a few weeks ago?” Linn says, speaking up for the first time since she screamed “FUCK THOSE ISLAMOPHOBES!” quite surprisingly in the middle of one of Noora’s stories. 

“Oh! And fish cakes.” Eskild smiles and glances at Noora. “Just kidding. I still haven’t replaced Noora’s from last time. If Noora doesn't buy them, there are no fishcakes in the apartment.”

“You’re right! And I’m not going to buy more just for you to eat like, half the box without paying me back,” Noora says, shoving his shoulder.

“I eat the whole box, love. And I’m sorry. I will replace them. I promise. I was hungry! Do you want me to starve?”

“Eat Linn’s food,” she says, and Eskild purses his lips.

“No. I'm afraid of Linn. You, sweet Noora, are so very different from Linn. She would tear off my head if I ate all her cereal.”

“Eat any of the shit Isak left!” Noora says. 

“Isak just ate my food,” Eskild says trying to counter. “He doesn't know how to cook for himself, the poor little thing. It's tragic, really. Though I guess now that he lives with you, Even, you're eating instant noodles for every meal?”

“Even’s a really good cook,” Isak says, looking overly eager to defend his boyfriend.

“I wouldn’t say I’m really good. I’m...adequate,” Even says, and Isak frowns.

“He’s more than adequate. He can make pizza dough from scratch. With yeast and everything,” Isak says, and Even rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah? That's nice, then,” Eskild says, smirking.

“It is nice.” Isak pauses. “You don’t believe me.”

“No! Of course I do! It’s just...you’re both little teenage boys. You can barely fend for yourselves.” Eskild turns to Linn. “Tell me, do they look like they can make pizza dough?”

“Even does,” she says, and Eskild scoffs.

“See, Linn, you're not looking hard enough. He’s sharp and all sexy on the outside but the inside is a little gooey center. Like a Cadbury egg. Cadbury eggs can't do adult things.”

“Mm. I don't know about that. Even looks like he could kill someone by staring at them,” Noora says. “No offense, of course.”

“Of course,” Even replies.

“Even’s a great cook. End of story,” Isak says, and Eskild huffs but doesn't protest.

“Adequate cook,” Even corrects.

The nights carries on in the same way, and eventually it's just Isak, Even, and Eskild alone in the living room, playing cards. 

“Hey, I'll be right back. Don't look at my hand,” Isak says, narrowing his eyes at Eskild. 

“Why are you looking at me? I'm an honest player.”

“Right,” Isak says before turning down the hallway toward the bathroom.

“How’s Isak doing?” Eskild asks Even as soon as the door shuts.

“I think he’s doing pretty well. He’s sleeping better,” Even says. “Why?”

“Has anything...unusual happened?” 

“What do you mean unusual?” Even asks, confused. 

“If you don’t know, he’s fine,” Eskild says. “You'd know.”

“Ok,” Even says slowly.

“Has...has he mentioned his dad? Has he gotten in touch?” he asks.

“Eskild,” Even starts just as Isak walks back into the room. 

“There he is! How was your urination? Sounded like it was overdue. Like a firehose,” Eskild says, and Isak rolls his eyes.

“It was great, thanks.” 

“That’s always nice to hear. Speaking of urination-”

“No thank you, Eskild,” Isak and Even say at nearly the same time. Ever since Eskild had ‘successfully set them up’ as he liked to claim, he’d ben taking his job of guru very seriously. A little too seriously if you were to ask Isak and Even. He’d taken it upon himself to give suggestions for ‘spicing up their sex lives’ at random intervals. The first time it had happened they’d sat through a (surprisingly lengthy) lecture on his distant acquaintance’s dangerous foot fetish, frozen in a mix of shock and fascination.

“I wasn't going to say anything! Why do you always act like I'm going to do something? I never do anything.”

Isak sits back down, picking up his cards from the coffee table.

“Foot fetish?” he asks, and Eskild scoffs.

“No! That wasn't anything. That was a story. Very normal story,” he says, and Isak stifles a laugh.

“Right,” he says, smirking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the later update! Chloe forgot haha

“It’s Vilde again,” Even calls back to Isak. Isak has been in the kitchen working on something (‘It’s a secret Even! Seriously!’) for the past hour, ever since they got back from school following a quick (and equally secretive) trip to their corner store. 

“Buzz her up,” he calls back and Even sighs. He was kind of hoping they’d have a night alone tonight, but he’s not willing to say no to Isak.

“Vilde! Hi!” Isak says when he opens the door. She gives him a quick hug, and waves at Even before following Isak into the kitchen. There’s some whispering he can’t quite make out, and he goes back to the group chat on his laptop. “Russ 2017.” 

Reluctantly, Even agreed to join a Russ bus at the last minute. A friend of a friend had a spare seat on their bus and agreed to let Even join them at no charge. Everyone seems alright, though a few of them are giving a little bit of a cold shoulder. He thinks it probably has something to do with the fact he’s not straight, but he’s not going to judge any of them prematurely.

“WHAT!” He looks up at Isak’s shriek. “What the fuck!”

“Are you ok?” He calls into the kitchen. There’s silence for a few moments. 

“Yep! Everything is good in here,” Vilde replies. 

“What the fuck Vilde. That’s so bright. I said a little. That’s meant for like...professionals,” Isak hisses, and Vilde laughs.

“Are you sure everything’s -” Isak cuts him off.

“Yeah, it’s fine. It’s fine. Don't come in here.”

So, Even goes back to the group chat. He knows some of the guys, but he doesn't like group chats in general so it’s a little awkward. He stares at the blank text box for a while before closing the window, opening up his final essay for Film Studies.

He can't help but eavesdrop on the conversation in the kitchen. It doesn't reveal much about what Isak’s doing, but he does find out a little about Vilde.

“I really like him. It's not that I don't like him. I do. It's just...when I kiss him...I don't know. It doesn't feel like anything,” she says.

“Yeah, I understand.”

“Well, you dated girls. And you're gay.”

“I've kissed boys. And I've felt...sometimes you just don't feel that much.”

“Boys that aren't Even?”

“Yeah, of course.” Well that's news. Even always assumed he was Isak’s first...everything. “Like, I...accepted myself with Even but I wouldn’t have just dove all the way in unless I was a little sure.” 

“Right...” She responds slowly.

“You don't sound convinced.”

“No, I am. I’m just...I don't know. I really like him I just don't...I don't know,” She sighs.

“It's ok to...not know, you know?”

“No?”

“I mean...I’ve had friends who thought they had met ‘the one’ and then it turned out that they still needed to figure things out.”

“Eva and Jonas?” Vilde asks. Even knows he should stop listening, but now that he’s started it’s almost impossible to stop.

“Don’t…” Isak starts.

“I mean...I guess everyone just thought they’d be together forever-”

“Right. Yep. Everyone,” he cuts in. 

“But they...just weren’t exactly right together,” Vilde finishes.

“Exactly!” Isak says. 

“Was that me getting it or you agreeing about the Eva and Jonas thing,” she asks. 

“Can it be both?” Isak asks and Even can just imagine the sly smile Isak is probably wearing.

“Sure. I’ll give you that one. It was funny,” Vilde admits, laughing. 

“Not at the time,” Isak sighs.

“Well...no. Not at the time.” There’s quiet for a while before Isak speaks up again, his voice even more hushed than before.

“I really fuck everything up.”

“No, Isak. Really,” she protests. Even wants to go in there and argue with his boyfriend until he realizes he’s the best person on earth but he knows if he does that it’ll open up a whole separate discussion about why Even was listening in on their conversation.

“I’m a horrible friend. I’m not...I’m not a good person. I can’t be just...fucking normal.”

“You’re a great friend, Iss! Really. I’m here right now. I wouldn’t come over to bake with just anyone,” she says.

“You really would,” Isak replies.

“Well...yeah. Probably,” Vilde agrees. “But I wouldn’t be nearly as happy about it,” she amends after a second. 

“It’s fine. I’m...everything I do gets fucked up. I can’t hold back and then it gets ruined.”

“Not everything is your fault. You can’t control what other people do!”

“I really tried! I really did. I was doing so well, too.”

“You didn’t screw anything up. That was all on her.”

“It’s not her fault.”

“And it wasn’t your fault either. Now stop it, we have to figure this out. Do we just...add more sprinkles?”

“He’s not going to care, I just wanted it to be...more pastel, I guess.”

Alright, back to talking about cake. Or at least Even assumes it’s cake.

“We could just make more? Extra frosting?” As Even moves towards his and Isak’s room on the other side of their apartment, the conversation fades. It’s given him a lot to think about. He’s known for a while that Isak is stressed about...well...everything. This at least gave him a starting place. Jonas and Eva’s break up. Maybe he can somehow talk to Isak about it? Or...something? He sits on the edge of their bed scrolling through his Tumblr. He reblogs a few film stills and a couple of photos from a blog one of his friends in his media class runs, trying to get his mind off of what Vilde and Isak’s conversation could have meant. It doesn’t work. Why does Isak think he fucks things up? How can he help?

“Even? Babe? Can you come out here? We need some help,” Isak calls through the door. Even walks out towards the dining area, poking his head into the kitchen.

“Surprise! Happy birthday!” Vilde says as soon as he comes into view and Even laughs.

“It’s not my birthday, but thank you,” he gives Isak half a look, but his boyfriend seems preoccupied.

“Vilde, I said it was just a normal cake, right?” He asks, exasperated, and turns back to Even. “I promise I know it’s not your birthday. Your birthday is February 12. Or...14? No, it’s the 12th. I know that.”

“It’s ok, Isak. What is it, ra-”

“Raspberry. Lemon cake with raspberry filling and vanilla frosting. It’s just like that one we had for your birthday, that you loved so much?” Isak says quickly and Even smiles. Isak had spent his savings on a crazy expensive dinner for his birthday, and it was by far one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him.

“It’ll be wonderful. It’s very...bright? And pink?” He says. 

“Vilde dumped in so much gel food coloring,” Isak says, rolling his eyes.

“Woah. That’s like...professional grade,” Even says, echoing Isak’s words from earlier. “I like it though!”

“You guys are pretty much the same person...except I like Even better now,” Vilde says. “He at least complimented my genius frosting coloring.”

“I never said it was bad, I just said I wanted a pastel cake for the aesthetic,” Isak argues.

“The color doesn’t affect the taste, Iss, it’ll be fine. But...why? Why the cake?” Even asks.

“Why not?” Isak shoots back, seeming slightly offended. “I can’t do something nice?”

“Of course you can, I just...I don’t know. It seems really out of the blue.” Isak tucks his hands in his pockets, biting his lip.

“Well, you were questioning my cooking ability. So I thought I’d show off.” Even laughs, rolling his eyes.

“Cute. Alright, should we eat it?”

“Yeah!” Isak says rolling his eyes. “Of course we should eat it!”

“Just checking it wouldn’t...ruin the aesthetic,” Even teases. Isak kisses his cheek, smiling, but Even can't forget what he overheard. 

_I really fuck everything up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Because we posted late yesterday, this one is up early. Happy Valentine's day. 
> 
> Warning! One f slur towards the end of the chapter... :(
> 
> Also remember that this is CANON DIVERGENT. Everything will be explained. (We promise that this is just a single moment out of a more complex story).

Karaoke was not really Even’s idea of a good time. He’d much rather be at home with Isak watching a movie or out having dinner at that nice Indian place they found. He was pretty sure that Isak wasn’t incredibly excited about the get-together either (the invitation came right as Isak was most worried about school work and least interested in seeing anyone besides Even outside of school). But Vilde had seemed so excited. She had begged and begged for Isak to come, and so, in turn, Isak asked Even to come along with him.

They share a beer - mostly because of the price, but also because they're both (mostly) sober - and after a while, when the performances have seemed to peter out, Even decides he’d better sing something.

Isak loves when he sings. Even doesn't necessarily have that great of a voice, and the song he picked doesn't exactly help, but he’s going to give it his best shot. Even when people aren’t great at karaoke, putting everything into the performance usually results in something listenable. So he’ll start out too low and stumble over some of the words but he’ll be sincere and keep hitting as many notes as he can. It’s only a few minutes of his life. Except...the universe might actually hate him. It wasn’t like he’d gone first for singing. It wasn’t a time agreed on as fashionably late either. But for some reason...his entire friend group from Bakka chose mid-song to walk into a Nissen 2nd year karaoke party. He freezes for a few seconds. It feels a lot longer, lifetimes, almost. Then Isak is by his side.

He keeps singing, but his mind is a million miles away. He feels like he’s short-circuiting. He can’t look anywhere but at Isak, he figures out. If he does, he catches a glimpse of the crowd, and his thoughts start to spiral.

He’s barely finished the song (and led what feels like everyone in the bar through it too) when things start to go (more) downhill. 

He steps off the stage, and immediately, he sees the boys weaving through the crowd toward him. He turns to Isak, grabbing his shoulder. 

“Hey, let’s get some air,” he says quickly. He doesn’t wait for the younger boy to respond, just grabs his hand and half-leads half-pulls him out of the bar. They stumble into the street, hands still clasped, and Isak looks a mixture of confused and concerned. He frowns.

“What’s up? Are you ok?” Even nods, taking a deep breath. He feels the weight start to lift off his shoulders. There are footsteps behind them - probably Jonas and the other boys. Even’s about to ask if they can just go home when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey!” Someone says from behind them, and it takes Even a moment to recognize the voice. Mikael. He turns around, shrugging the hand off. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” he says with as much confidence as he can muster.

“Yeah, Asshole. You made that pretty clear.” Mikael doesn’t seem fazed. 

“He said he doesn’t want to talk,” Isak says, and Even turns to look at him. His lips are pressed into a tight line, his eyes burning with an anger Even’s only seen a handful of times.

“Stop, it’s ok, let’s just go,” he says quietly, but Isak drops his hands, taking a few strides forward so he’s face to face with Mikael. Oh, Christ.

“We fucking thought you were dead, you dick. You never fucking cared anyway. We had to find out from Elias’ little sister that you were at her school,” Mikael snaps, not paying attention to the younger boy.

“Leave her out of this,” another guy, Elias, says. He and the other boys from Bakka - minus Yousef - have made their way outside. So have Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi. “But Mikael’s right.”

“He said he doesn’t want to talk to you,” Isak repeats, clenching his fists. Elias laughs.

“Fy faen! This is your bodyguard?!” he asks, and Even grabs at Isak’s shoulder. He jerks it away.

“Isak -” Even starts, but he’s cut off.

“I really don’t want to talk to him either,” Mikael says, advancing. “All I want is an explanation.”

“Looks like you’re not getting one,” Isak says. 

“Fuck off. Who are you anyway? To speak for him? You don’t know anything about this. Your friend is psychotic. Did he tell you that?” Mikael asks, and that seems to send Isak over the edge.

He shoves Mikael hard. There are some muffled remarks from both groups, but Mikael doesn’t retaliate.

“I’m his-”

“Stop it, Isak.” Even interjects.

“I’m his fucking boyfriend,” Isak finishes, almost spitting out the words. Elias laughs again, walking closer. He directs his attention to Even now. 

“Ok. I see. After you realized Mikael wasn’t a freak, you had to go find yourself another fag.” Even sees red. Before he can do anything though, Isak’s already reacting.

Isak swings a fist but only manages to graze Elias’s cheek. Elias returns the blow, hitting him squarely in the nose. At this point, it looks like it can only escalate. Jonas shoves Elias, and Elias swings at him. Mikael tries to pull them apart, Jonas throws a punch, and after that, it’s chaos. Isak is standing on the fringe, cupping his nose, blood dripping down his chin. His eyelids flutter like he might pass out, and Even tears his attention away from the fight.

A tear rolls down Isak’s cheek and Even wipes it carefully with his thumb. He’s not sure how the fight ends, only that the rest of the boys and Sana crowd around them. Even doesn’t know what they’re saying, he’s too focused. Too focused on the fact that Isak is bleeding and it’s his fault. Maybe not directly, sure, but it’s his fault.

They make a decision to go to the hospital, and Even’s not sure where the boys from Bakka went but he’s glad they’re gone. 

This used to just be Even’s business - Even’s uncomfortable situation that he had to handle. But now it’s more than that. Now, it’s gone too far.

Isak’s head rests on his shoulder in the cab and Even swears to himself that he’s putting a stop to all of this. For good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

“Is he going to be alright?” Magnus asks as soon as they make it to the desk at the emergency room. Even rolls his eyes.

“Calm down, sir. What seems to be the problem?” A slightly bored-sounding receptionist says. 

“What’s the problem? The problem is that Isak’s blood is escaping through his nose! That’s not normal!” Magnus almost shouts, and Even frowns. Usually, he’d find Magnus’s outbursts funnier but seeing Isak bleed has him on edge. The younger boy is almost startlingly pale, his eyelids fluttering. He’s leaning heavily on Even’s shoulder, and he can tell by the way Isak’s breathing that he’s holding back tears.

“Sir. I must ask again that you calm down,” the nurse says.

“Are there...forms or something I have to fill out?” Isak slurs, his voice more muffled by the old (now ruined) flannel he has pressed to his nose. 

“You want...to fill out forms?” Even asks, incredulously. 

“I wanna go home,” he mumbles. Even is quiet for a second. 

“That’s not something we can do, Is,” he says slowly. “You really are bleeding quite a lot.”

Isak sighs, tipping his head backward, and Even quickly guides it forward again.

“You’re gonna choke. And if you swallow too much blood -”

“I know. You said,” Isak mumbles. Clearly, Even’s protective streak is making him grumpy, but Even isn’t exactly doing it for Isak. It makes him feel better more than anything. Because honestly, there’s nothing Even can actually do. The only sway he has over any of this is micromanaging how Isak holds his head so he won’t get nauseous.

After all, this is his fault. 

He shouldn't have told Isak that story. If he hadn't told him that story he wouldn't have been so adamant about “protecting” him from Mikael. Then Elias wouldn't have called him a fag. And Isak wouldn't have shoved him. And it wouldn't have escalated into the shit storm that it was.

Or if Even had just agreed to talk to Mikael in the first place, Isak wouldn't have had to defend him at all. So, either way, it’s Even’s fuckups that caused everything.

He’s sure Mikael and Elias didn’t actually mean that shit they said. Maybe Even’s been a little bit of a jerk to them, but isn’t it deserved? They totally abandoned him. He always thought he was just returning the favor, but maybe it’s his fault too. 

Isak suddenly starts to fall and Even is snapped out of his thoughts. He manages to catch his boyfriend around the waist, carefully getting him upright before turning back to the receptionist.

“We think his nose is broken,” he says, and Isak’s eyelids flutter. He looks almost drunk - hopefully he doesn't have a concussion.

The receptionist nods, handing over a clipboard with a pen dangling from the half-broken clip.

“Fill this out, take a seat, you'll be called in shortly.” She turns back to her computer. “There's complimentary coffee and tea, help yourself,” she says in the same flat, emotionless tone as before, and Even just half-drags half-guides Isak over to the row of uncomfortable chairs without another word.

Isak has his head resting on Even’s shoulder, trying to fall asleep. Everything would frankly be a lot easier if the boys weren't here. Jonas is alright, but Mahdi keeps getting into loud conversations with him, and Magnus, as usual, has no filter. None of them are insensitive or mean they're just...distracting. And irritating. Seeing Isak anything other than 100% irritates Even to be perfectly honest. He's not irritated at Isak, obviously, it all just...puts him on edge.

“This really fucking hurts,” Isak mumbles, and it feels almost painful to see Isak suffering. He’s really done all he can at this point and it makes him feel so helpless. He gave him his shirt to stem the blood. He called a cab to get them here. He’s about to start helping Isak fill out the paperwork. All of that seems so small because he can't take away Isak’s pain. 

“As soon as we get this filled out they’ll be able to help,” Even offers. He’s really not sure about that, but the waiting room looks deserted and Isak is still bleeding into a shirt, so there’s a good chance. 

“Let’s get started, then,” Isak says with a sigh. 

They’ve only managed to fill out his name, address, and birthday when a doctor comes for Isak. 

“Can Even come too?” Isak asks. The doctor nods and leads them back into a small examination room. 

They sit down, Isak on the high bench covered in paper, and Even in a too small chair right beside him. The doctor flips through some pages and eventually looks up at the two of them.

“So you have a nosebleed?” He asks and Even wants to scream. Yes, the boy with a blood-soaked rag under his nose with two growing black eyes has a nosebleed. Isak just nods, apparently too out of it to care.

The doctor pulls on some gloves, taking the bloody scrap of Even’s shirt gingerly. He tosses it, and the gloves, into a red trash can. Then, he puts on a new pair.

“And what brought this on?” The doctor asks, pressing on both sides of the bridge of Isak’s nose. 

“I...uh…” Isak says lamely, blinking slow. The doctor presses on a seemingly innocuous spot and Isak pulls in a sharp breath. His hands are shaking with how hard he's trying to hold back tears. Even wants to reach up and hold his hand but they’re too far apart.

“He was punched in the face,” Even says, and the doctor raises his eyebrows.

“Well, your nose does have a definite break, nothing that won't heal, but I'm sure you can tell already it's very painful.” Isak nods. The doctor pulls out a penlight, checks Isaks eyes, and steps back again. “Very mild concussion, but you can expect a few days of headaches.”

“Days?” Even asks, trying to keep his tone of voice neutral. The doctor nods. He taps something into his computer and reads for a moment before turning back to face them.

“I think we could prescribe you some Vicodin but I have to get a little bit of information first. It says here you've never been convicted of prescription drug abuse.” Isak just nods, sniffling.

“Vicodin?” Even echoes and the doctor frowns.

“It's an opioid,” he clarifies, and Even nods.

“I know what it is...I’m just...that's a strong drug.”

“Well he'll only be taking it for a few days, 5 at the most. Sleep is great for healing, but that’s pretty difficult if you’re in a lot of pain. But don’t worry, we’ll be performing the questionnaire first, just to make sure it’s right for Isak.” Even hesitates but nods. “Ok. Isak, have you had any disturbed or unusual sleep in the past two weeks?”

“No,” Isak says confidently. Even squints slightly. That’s...not exactly true. But maybe Isak’s definition of disturbed sleep is different?

“Have you ever been prescribed medication for pain?” Yes, Even thinks. Of course. Isak broke his wrist when he was six.

“No.”

“Have you ever been admitted to a hospital?” Again, Isak was admitted briefly when he was six for breaking his wrist, but maybe Isak’s interpreting the doctor’s question as a longer stay? And didn’t Isak say a few weeks ago when complaining about Eskild’s dramatic inclinations how just last year he’d stayed overnight in the hospital for a bad cold that Eskild had thought was developing into pneumonia?

“Nope.” 

“Ok, last few, in the past two weeks have you felt unusually tired, lethargic, unmotivated or hopeless?” Isak pauses.

“No.”

“It's important you answer honestly.”

“I am,” Isak says. That one is flat out not true. Even knows it and, unless Isak is fucked from the concussion that he can’t remember, he should know it too. 

“Final question. Have you ever been diagnosed with a concussion before today?”

“No.”

“Ok, great! It looks like we’ll have no problem getting you sorted out, then. You should be able to take this prescription slip to your pharmacy tonight and get everything you need in an hour or so. I’ll get you set up with enough to last you until then so your pain levels out. Now, for your concussion, you should avoid bright lights and loud noises. You’ll know if you’ve messed that up. I would also recommend not looking screens for a few days. Usually, it would be more, but since your conclusion is mild, just a few days should be alright.”

“Ok.” Isak takes the slip of paper, turning it over in his hands before handing it to Even.

“Just stick to resting and you should be back to normal in a couple of days,” the doctor says warmly. They sign some forms and say goodbye to other boys in the waiting room, Isak holding fresh gauze under his still-bleeding nose. 

The walk out of the hospital is dead silent. 

“Why were you lying in there?” Even asks as soon as they’re outside. They’re headed to the tram. Even wishes they hadn’t thrown out his flannel - it’s cold and all he has now is a t-shirt. 

“I don’t think I should take that,” Isak says instead. “The vicodin.”

“Why?” Even’s baffled. It seemed like Isak was lying to get the pills in the first place, wasn’t he? Or..he was lying because he thought those might be qualifying questions?

“I shouldn’t. It could be bad. I don’t think it will help.”

“You'd rather just be in pain?”

“I can take paracet.”

“That's a blood thinner, your nose could start bleeding again. That's why he’s giving you this.”

“Maybe I should be in pain,” Isak mutters and...woah...that’s not something Even was really expecting from Isak.

“If you’re really concerned, we could look up alternatives? Or we could see what the half dosage is like?”

“I guess,” he mumbles.

“No, I mean it. I’m not mad or anything. I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“It sounds like you’re mad,” Isak says, not acknowledging anything else. 

“I promise I’m not. I...I’m concerned and...confused.”

“Why are you confused? I said I didn’t want to take it,” Isak says, his voice considerably sharper.

“That's confusing.”

“Why?”

“Because it's pain medication and you're in pain. That’s not...good.”

“But I get to decide what I want to do. I said I didn’t want to and you always respect that?”

“This is different. You’ll hurt.” 

“It's my hurt.”

“I won't let you do that to yourself.” He pulls Isak into a hug, careful to avoid his nose. “Just tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what’s going on,” he whispers, and Isak sighs. 

“Medicine is just...not for me. It scrambles your brain. I don't need that.” Even was hoping for more detail, but that’s better than nothing.

“Only 5 days. Then your brains can get unscrambled, ok?” he asks, pulling back, and Isak gives him a forced, half-hearted smile.

They start off with a half dose. Quickly, Isak seems to realize that an ice pack doesn't do shit, and a half dose just barely manages to take the edge off. A few hours later he's begging Even to let him take his next dose early.

“Please, Ev. I know what I said earlier but I need it.” 

“Another hour,” Even says. He must sound like a broken record.

“Even. I’m serious. I need this.” He’s clinging to Even’s t-shirt like a lifeline. 

“I’m serious too. I need you safe. No early doses.”

“You’re keeping me from being healthy,” Isak argues. “I’m in pain.”

“I thought you didn’t like meds. I thought they weren’t ‘for you.’” Even knows he shouldn’t be bringing this up right now, but he can’t help himself. He’s had to deal with Isak’s (almost religious) meds schedule for the past six months (‘I’ll take them in a minute.’ ‘No. Now. Take them now. They’re right here in my hand anyway.’ and ‘I’ll take them a bit early so I don’t have to bring them with us’ ‘I’ll bring a bag so you can take them at the right time.’). So, yeah. Even’s not really the most impressed with Isak’s behavior at the moment. Beyond that, he just feels like shit, so it’s not really helping that Isak is also feeling like shit.

“They’re mine! You can’t keep them from me again!” Isak almost shouts. 

“Again?” Even stops, confused.

“No? Now,” Isak says after a moment, seemingly also rattled by his misstep. “Not...no.”

“Ok, fine. I won’t. But you have to keep taking them on the schedule or you could really hurt yourself,” Even agrees. 

“Can I have them?” Isak whines, and Even sighs. 

“You still have to wait...42 minutes. After that, though, you can have the full dose and sleep for a bit.”

42 minutes later, Isak dutifully takes his medication and is out like a light in what seems like only a moment. It's almost 1 AM and Even knows he should be asleep too but he can't tear his eyes away from his boyfriend’s sleeping form. Isak...needs something. But what? Even doesn’t know. He just hopes he can help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be answers eventually. We promise. <3

Even doesn’t know what he’s expecting, but he’s certainly not anticipating ‘what the fuck is going on?’ to be the first words out of Sana’s mouth. 

“What the fuck is going on?” She repeats seconds later.

“I honestly have no idea,” Even says.

“Has he just always been like this? I feel like I’d know.” She walks into the apartment, setting down her backpack by the door. “Isak?” She calls, and Isak makes a small sound at the back of his throat from his place under the comforter.

“He’s not really in the mood -”

“Neither am I, Even,” She snaps, and before he can stop her she’s shaking Isak’s shoulder through the blanket.

“Go away,” he mumbles, and Sana doesn’t seem fazed.

“No, you’re being an asshole.”

“Mmmph…” he responds, rolling over away from Sana. 

“You’re being a horrible boyfriend,” She snaps. 

“No! Sana...I don’t think–” Even starts. 

“Well? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Leave me alone, Sana,” he finally says. “I'm sick. I don't feel good.”

“You're not sick, you're being difficult. You begged me to come over, even though Even said you shouldn’t be doing homework, and then I find out you've been lying about taking pills? What the fuck?” Shit. Had Even told her about the pills? He genuinely can’t remember.

“Sana -”

“You told her that?” Isak asks, voice small.

“It might’ve come out when I was venting, I'm sorry.” Even had half a heart attack when he found a bag of blue-white pills underneath Isaks side of the mattress but realized pretty quickly they were just the Vicodin Isak spit out instead of swallowing. They'd had a fight over it already, but Even still doesn't understand why, when Isak seemed so keen on them only a few days ago, he'd start spitting them out. It just doesn't make sense.

“I'm sorry,” Isak whispers, burying his head back in the pillow.

“Why are you doing this to Even? He's so nice to you, why are you being so…” Sana seems to run out of words, and she takes a deep breath. Clearly, she's upset about more than this, and she definitely didn't come all the way here just to chew Isak out. Part of her is worried. At least Even can see that. He's not sure Isak is aware.

“I'm sorry,” Isak mumbles again, his voice sounding distinctly teary. Even just wants to tell him it's ok, but is it? Is this really ok?

“He trusted you. I trusted you,” she says, and Even sighs.

“Sana, thank you, really, but it's alright. We already talked about it. He's just...in a lot of pain.” Only physical pain, Even hopes, but he knows it's more than that. Something that goes deeper. “He just doesn't like what it does to him and I didn't respect that.”

“Fine. Fine,” she says, shaking her head. “Whatever. That's that. But don't...don't lie to Even. We both know what I'm talking about.” She says, and Isak rolls over glaring at her. Even, coincidentally, does not know what’s going on, but that seems to be happening more and more lately.

“Can we not bring that up, please? Vilde...” he trails off, rubbing his eyes. “She only told you because -” Sana cuts him off.

“Fine. But I won't see you become a shitty person over something so simple. You live together, for fuck’s sake.”

Even knows better than to ask what's happening, but it’s disconcerting to not know.

“Besides all that, don't text me. You have a concussion, as I just recently found out,” Sana says, her voice softening.

“It doesn’t matter,” Isak mutters. “None of this fucking matters, I asked for homework, Sana.”

“Isak…” she says trailing off, not finding the right words. Her misdirected anger from earlier has faded, now she just seems tired.

“I’m not in the mood to be yelled at,” he mumbles, and she sighs.

“I’m not…”

“You are,” Isak cuts in.

“You’re right. I am mad. But…”

“It’s just because she cares,” Even jumps in. Isak shoots him a glare now.

“He’s absolutely right,” Sana says quickly before Isak can deny it. “Look, I didn’t just come here to be mad, I brought your assignments. But seriously, don’t do them right now. You’re not supposed to do that stuff with a concussion.” She fishes a folder out of her bag, setting it on the table, before slinging the backpack over her shoulder. “I have to go, but I’ll see you in class.”

“Thanks,” Isak mumbles, and Sana rolls her eyes. 

“I’ll walk you to the tram,” Even says, and Sana raises her eyebrows but seems to get Even’s intent.

Once they’re outside, Even lets it all out.

“What were you talking about? With him?” 

Sana sighs, shoving her hands in her pockets.

“It’s really not my place to tell you about it. You need to let Isak tell you on his own. Just like he waited for you,” she throws him a look. He’s not really sure how to interpret that. Could whatever Isak has been keeping from him be on that large a scale?

“But...it just seems like it’s hurting him. I just...is there anything you can tell me?”

Sana hesitates for a second, standing still on the sidewalk. She bites her lip, looking past him down the street.

“Please? Sana.”

“Fuck! Fine! Jesus. He’s...got an issue with his mental health. Probably. Or he had one? I’m not entirely sure. I think it was pretty much because of his mom, though. That's where they met. Vilde and Isak I mean. At a support group for people with hospitalized parents.”

“Really? That’s...” Even didn’t know what he’d been expecting but it certainly wasn’t that. The mental health issue doesn’t really give Even much - he’d already sort of suspected that, but the news about Vilde? That’s completely out of left field.

“Somewhat baffling?” Sana supplies. “I know. And really I only know that much because Vilde practically had a breakdown in the very beginning of first year and I was the only one around.”

They walk in silence for a while before Even speaks up.

“I mean I knew he didn’t get along with his parents but...I…”

“Please don't tell him I told you. He’ll kill me. Or just be devastated. Either way, not a pretty picture.”

“Do you -” She cuts him off.

“If you’re going to ask me about specifics, I don’t have any.”

“What about Vil-”

“Talk to Isak if you want to know. Don’t ask Vilde,” She pauses. “But...good luck getting anything from Isak. I know if you bring it up with him he won't say shit. He's really rude to you, you know.” The anger from earlier is coming back. Even’s not sure where it’s stemming from but she’s clearly upset about something.

“He’s not rude,” Even says, and she shakes her head.

“He’s keeping secrets from you even. Going behind your back. About pills. About fucking homework, sure, but still.” She pauses again, adjusting her scarf. “And the only reason he’s friends with me is because I blackmailed him and we got stuck sitting together in bio.”

Even knows all that isn't completely true. She’s been off since the party. Why, Even’s not sure.

“You know I'm here for you, right? If you ever want to talk?” He asks, and she scoffs.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Do you think -”

“Elias feels bad about what he said. He doesn’t want to tell you, but he feels bad. So does Mikael.” The topic comes out of left field, and Even wishes he’d had a little more time to prepare.

“Be nice for them to tell me that,” he says.

“Yeah well you’re not the most approachable person in the world, you know. And Mikael is non-binary, obviously, so he - they’re not pleased about what Elias said either.”

“Yeah.”

As they reach the tram stop, she turns to him, tilting her head.

“Elias can be an asshole, but he’d still like you as a friend. He hasn’t said that, but...that’s what I think.”

The tram pulls up, perfectly timed like something from the movies Even wants to direct. Sana turns and gets on without another word. As it pulls away, Even is left standing there in the slightly too cool air with more questions than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saw Black Panther so a tad bit late. (Go see it. Really.) -Chloë

“My family was always fucked up. Not just at the end when Mama got more sick, but right along from the beginning,” Isak starts. He won’t meet Even’s eyes. 

Their Sunday had started out at around four that morning with Isak waking up from a nightmare, cheeks tear-stained and hands shaking. No matter what Even did, Isak could not get back to sleep, so they took a shower, his head resting on Even’s chest. Their showers, usually sometime in the middle of the night when one of them can’t sleep, started back during their night at the Plaza. They both stood under the warm water, just staring at each other until they were both soaked. And that’s what they did this morning.

After they dried off, Isak insisted they go out for breakfast to “talk.” What about, he didn’t say, but Even’s had anxiety gnawing at him ever since.

Now, Isak is staring down at his coffee, his fingers playing with the hem of his sweater sleeve. They’re long enough to make sweater paws.

“We don’t -”

“I want to tell you.” Isak’s eyes flit up from his drink, suddenly nervous. “Unless you don’t…”

“No, I...I just don’t want you to feel like you have to. It’s hard to talk about.”

“You deserve to know.” He looks back down at his hands. “Well like I said, my family was always a mess. It wasn’t like...bad? It wasn’t...I wasn’t abused, I guess is important to say. It was just...nothing?”

“So…” Even prompts softly.

“Maybe I’m...No, I’m not explaining this right,” he says, running a hand through his hair. Even can almost feel the nerves coming off him, and he takes his hand gently.

“I don’t think they cared. Or...that’s not right. They cared when it suited them.” 

“When did it suit them?” Even asks, already dreading the answer.

“Not very often,” he says, laughing bitterly. He picks up his coffee, taking a small sip.

“But they...did they…”

“Take care of me? Uh…”

“...Is this why you know how to cook?” Even asks after Isak is silent a few beats too long.

“Yes!” Isak jumps at the question. “Yes. That is exactly why. I just...had to learn. Otherwise…”

“Otherwise you wouldn’t eat?” Even fills in, his heart dropping into his stomach. 

“Yeah,” he replies more quietly. 

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. I’m...That kind of...explains it, I guess. I…” He trails off. “I’m sorry I’m fucking everything up,” he rushes to say, and it's so quiet Even almost doesn't catch it. 

“What?”

“I’m sorry I'm a bad boyfriend.”

“What would make you think you were fucking things up?” Even’s absolutely baffled. 

“I just have all these thoughts always in my head and lately they just...they're so loud. And they're leaking out. And they're fucking things up, I can feel it,” he stutters out, and Even grabs his hand where it lies on the table.

“How?”

“I don't know. I just...I feel it. Like...not talking to you about this earlier...lying to you about the stupid pills and texting Sana. I’m just screwing everything up again and I just can’t….it’s not…”

“You’re fine. I’m not mad,” Even says. 

“Yeah...just...what if you are?” Isak asks.

“But I’m not. I just...do you not trust me?” Even asks after a moment. It comes out more unsure than he thought it would. He must be more insecure than he thought. 

“No! I mean yes! Yes, I trust you. It’s just...I’m doing everything wrong now.”

“Isak...yes I would have liked it if you’d have talked to me earlier about this. I just got...insecure? And confused. I was really worried about you and I thought it might have been something that I did. But also, you’re telling me now. That’s all that matters. I can help you. We’re a team. Minute by minute, remember?”

“But…”

“That’s not just for me. That goes for both of us. Together.”

“Together,” Isak echoes. He still looks anxious. Even reaches out across the table to rest his hand on top of Isak’s. 

“Isak?” He asks softly when Isak doesn’t react. He can tell there’s something else. 

“Ummm...what?” Isak says looking up from the table and meeting Even’s eyes for a second before turning his focus to their hands. 

“Are you ok?” Even asks. 

“I…” Isak trails off. “What happens tomorrow?” 

“What do you mean?” He asks. 

“I mean...we’ve been on break. The real world just didn’t exist for the past week. How do we go back?”

“The same way we always have,” Even suggests. 

“No...it’s...this time Sana hates me. And what about your old friends? What do we do? I’ve fucked so much up.”

“Sana doesn’t hate you,” Even says. “And we almost never see anyone from Bakka, especially now that we don’t go out.”

“But they were so mad…” Isak says trailing off. 

“Isak...Sana said they were sorry. I don’t think they’re really mad at you. I think...I wasn’t the best to them last year. I mean, they weren’t the best either but it’s a two-way street.” He won’t tell Isak, but he’s planning on going to meet Yousef next week. Whether or not it turns out well, Even needs to bury this bad blood. 

“I’m biased, I guess,” Isak says softly. 

“I would hope so,” Even jokes. They’re silent for a few more moments before Isak speaks again. 

“And our work. I’m still three days behind in Biology, not to mention my other classes.” Homework and school is always an anxiety-inducing subject for Isak, so Even tries to steer them away from the topic.

“It’ll all work out. I promise. Sana can help you out with biology. And Vilde’s in your English class, right?”

“But how is it going to work out? I need to know the steps,” Isak tries to explain. He still looks more anxious than Even would ever like to see him.

“Together. That’s first. We’ll take it from there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update...I was writing an art history paper in German (P.S. I'm a second semester German student).

“Here. You’re the dandelion boy!” Even says, reaching over to tuck one of the bright flowers behind Isak’s ear. They’re about a block or so from Nissen, walking hand in hand.

“Christ,” he groans, rolling his eyes, but Even can tell by the little blush creeping onto his cheeks that he likes it. “I was hoping you forgot about that one.”

“I never forget.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. One of us has to remember things, right?” Isak laughs and shoves his shoulder.

“Shut up. I have a concussion.”

“Minor. And you’ve been super forgetful lately,” Even points out. 

“Suuuurrre,” Isak drags out.

“Anyways, I even drew a picture of you...dandelion boy,” Even teases, pausing for a second for Isak to stop groaning. “Eskild said it was cute. I posted it on Instagram.”

“Oh my god. Even,” Isak says, blushing.

“It was cute. Just like you,” Even says, pressing a little kiss to Isak’s cheek. They keep walking, laughing and flirting, their joined hands swinging in between them. As Nissen comes into sight, Even can feel Isak tense up. He squeezes Even’s hand harder for a second before trying to let go. 

“Babe?” Even asks, still holding on. Isak looks paler than a few moments ago. It makes the dark bruise around his eye look even worse. 

“I’m...actually, could we keep holding hands?” Isak asks. Even smiles. Isak has been making them let go before they get to school for the past few weeks. 

“Nothing would make me happier,” Even jokes. 

“Not even...kissing me?” Isak suggests. Even breaks into laughter, smiling with his entire face as they walk into the schoolyard. 

“Well...maybe that,” Even admits. 

“That can be arranged,” Isaks says smiling back. 

They go over and talk to the boys for a bit. Magnus seems incredibly impressed with Isak’s purple-blue bruise. 

“DUDE! It’s still that dark? That’s sick! You look so tough...besides the flower. You’re like...punk flower-child. That’s a thing, right?” He asks. Even gives him a half hug.

“I think the flower enhances it,” Jonas says, and Isak blushes. He reaches up - probably to take it out from behind his ear - but Even leans over before he can. 

“...please?” He whispers into Isak’s ear. Isak lowers his hand. “It’s cute.”

“Fine. For you, I’ll leave it,” he whispers back, smiling.

“You are the cutest. Really,” Mahdi says. 

“In the whole school,” Magnus agrees, nodding. 

“Yeah...we are,” Even says smiling. 

“Ok. I love all of these compliments but I really have to get to class early. I’m so behind,” Isak says, a hint of nervousness leaking into his voice. He turns to give Even a light peck on the lips before heading off towards his first class. 

“He seems…” Jonas starts. “Better than he was the last time I saw him.”

“Yeah...well, he’s no longer bleeding from his face,” Magnus says. 

“No...I mean. He seems a bit more relaxed?”

“He was acting pretty strangely,” Mahdi agrees. 

“Yeah...I mean...we had a talk and I think things are going to be ok. I think...we were right to be worried, but I think it might be ok now that I know what is going on,” Even says. 

“So what _is_ going on?” Magnus asks. Jonas shoots him a look.

“No,” Mahdi says, voice flat.

“Yeah...I mean, sorry, but it’s kind of between me and him,” Even says. Magnus nods, looking characteristically unbothered. 

“I’ll just...ummm,” Jonas stops and starts over. “Ok. Do you need any help?” Even shifts his weight from foot to foot.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I think it’s just gonna take time.” Even says. “I’ll let you all know if I need help, ok?” 

“Yeah…hey you guys go ahead,” Jonas says looking over at Magnus and Mahdi. They look confused but both leave, heading towards the front doors with a wave and a salute. Jonas watches until they’re out of earshot. “Even...can I talk to you?” he asks more quietly. 

Even nods, and Jonas sighs.

“Look man...I know you want to help Isak, but...maybe taking that on will be a lot,” he says, and the older boy has genuinely no idea of how to respond.

“What do you mean?” he asks. 

“Just...I know you’ve been doing a lot better,” he says slowly, raising his eyebrows as if waiting for Even to figure out the rest.

“And? What does that have to do with helping Isak?”

“Maybe...it’s going to be really stressful and it might be better if he also had some outside help?” For Isak’s closest friend, Jonas doesn’t know very much apparently.

“He already said no to therapy when I offered to look for–” Even starts, but Jonas cuts him off.

“It doesn’t even have to be a therapist, even though that would probably be ideal. What about...I don’t know...I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have moved in together.”

“But?” Even prompts.

“But in the Kollectiv people could make sure he was actually remembering to feed himself and was doing...you know...human things without it seeming like they were on him all the time because it was a different person asking every time.” Jonas pauses. “It might just be better for him somewhere more like that.”

“I’m not making him move,” Even says tensely. 

“Look...I get that. I’m just...I’m also worried.”

“I really hate to ask...but do you know anything? About why Isak might be acting so…”

“Weird?” Jonas supplies and Even nods.

“About how I could help?” He finishes, and Jonas looks up at something over Even’s shoulder, biting his lip.

“Ummm...not really. I just...he was like this during first year for a bit. I thought he had gotten over it. I guess not? He just was around a lot more then and I felt like I could help, you know? I felt useful because he was just right there and I could check on him.” 

“Yeah. I get that,” Even says. 

“Look. I’m sorry that I... You know Isak. He’ll be fine. He always is. I just...I’m worried.”

“Me too.”

The rest of the school day passes quickly. Even feels like he’s only just arrived by the time he’s leaving to sit on their bench. He waits for a while. Ten minutes...fifteen minutes...twenty…Isak’s still not there. He heads back towards the schoolyard. Maybe he got the place wrong? Isak’s not over by the picnic tables. He goes inside. He’s not at their usual table. Even’s starting to worry. He decides to ask around. 

Asking around means stumbling through the halls asking every person he sees if they’ve seen a ‘handsome man with a black eye.’ It works just as well as he expected. No one has seen Isak.It’s not doing him any good to panic. He just needs to be sensible. Calm down. He opens up his phone and searches for the group chat with the boys. 

_have any of you seen Isak?_ Even hurriedly types out.

_No? Why?_ Jonas replies instantly. 

_we were definitely going to walk back to the house together. we have to go shopping. We’re out of laundry detergent._ Too detailed an explanation, but Even doesn't really care.

_I thought I saw him leaving just now?_ Mahdi replies a few minutes later. Even’s heart begins to slow down.

_ok. i’ll see if i can catch up._

He starts walking quickly in the direction of their tram station. Isak must’ve already caught one because he’s not there when Even runs up. 

Even spends the tram ride worrying. It’s probably nothing. Isak is probably fine. (There’s just the little ‘maybe he’s not’ that seems to occupy all of his attention.)

Even tries to keep himself calm. He’s doing a surprisingly good job until he gets to the door of their apartment. It’s ajar slightly. This can’t be good. 

“Isak?” Even whisper-shouts into the apartment. He pushes the door slightly and it creaks open a foot. “Iss?” The lights are off. He takes a hesitant step into the room. He pushes the door closed behind him and gets out his phone. It’s light enough to see in their apartment because of the window, but they have the curtains drawn, so the light is filtered and casts distorted shadows across the furniture. 

There’s a quiet noise from the bathroom. The door opens a little and then a little more. Even starts to walk towards it. The top of Isak’s head pokes out. 

“Ev?” He asks quietly. That one sound is all it takes. Even crosses the small apartment in a few strides and reaches out for Isak. Isak falls into the hug. He feels...damp? Liked he’d taken a shower and put clothes on right afterward. He’s holding Even so tight it almost hurts, but Even’s doesn’t pull away. He’s warm and right there. 

“Isak...where did you go?” Even asks. Part way through saying it, he realizes he means it more psychologically than anything else. What has Isak dealt with since they last held each other this morning? He gives Isak a little squeeze and kisses his neck. 

“I just needed to get away,” Isak responds. It’s not the in-depth and revealing answer that Even would have hoped for, but it’s a start. They’re on their way. Isak isn’t hiding from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't believe that we've actually managed to update every day for 17 days...wow.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

“Iss, are you ok? You look...not great.”

They’ve just gotten home from school, and Isak’s sitting on the kitchen counter while Even makes two cheese sandwiches. 

“Thanks, Ev, that’s always nice to hear,” the younger boy says, deadpan. Even rolls his eyes, grabbing chili flakes from the cabinet. 

“Not like that. Just...I don’t know. You look really pale.” That comment seems to strike a chord, and Isak frowns.

“I’m fine.”

Later that night, after dinner, Isak’s sitting at the tiny dining table, reading a textbook. It’s almost midnight. His headphones are in. Even rests a hand on his shoulder, and the younger boy almost jumps out of his skin. He slips out his earbuds.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asks, his voice wavering. He’s still so pale. Even runs his fingers through his hair.

“It’s time to sleep, babe. It’s getting really late.” Ever since Isak’s panic attack a few days ago, he’s been studying like crazy.

Isak shakes his head, looking back at his book.

“I’ll finish up soon. You go to sleep.”

“Promise you’ll come to bed?” Isak nods, and though Even is still skeptical he decides not to argue, just pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Alright.” 

When Even wakes up the next morning, Isak isn’t beside him. Even’s immediate reaction is panic, but he forces himself to calm down. He’s probably just in the shower or something.

He rolls over and sees almost instantly that Isak is asleep on the couch. Weird. Maybe he just didn’t want to wake up Even by climbing into bed? Whatever the case, the couch is uncomfortable and there’s no way Isak’s going to be in a good mood when he gets up. 

Even checks his phone. Two hours until they need to leave for class. Maybe Even can make breakfast? Isak always likes his scrambled eggs. There’s more than enough time. Sure, Even’ll make breakfast.

A half hour later, when he’s plating the eggs, bacon, and toast, Isak walks into the kitchen, his hair a mess and eyes narrowed.

“Hey, what are you doing?” He mumbles, rubbing his eyes, and Even kisses his cheek. He’s warm - probably from sleep - and he gives a little smile. His voice is rough.

“Surprise after your long study night.” Isak raises his eyes. “I woke up early and I couldn’t get back to sleep.” Isak nods, still looking half asleep.

“You’re good though, right?” He knows what Isak means by that. Is he manic? 

“Yeah, of course, I’m good, baby. Here,” he passes a plate to Isak, who takes a deep breath, smiling. “Special sour cream scrambled eggs.”

“Thanks.” they share a quick kiss and Even can’t help but notice Isak’s lips are chapped.

They part ways right before the first bell rings and Even doesn’t see his boyfriend again until almost 17. He’d made some mention of studying in the library for a while after classes but hadn’t really been specific. 

He came home looking worse for the wear - exhausted and uncomfortable and...sick. He doesn’t eat his dinner and again, he insists on staying up to do homework. He promises he’ll come to bed when he’s done. Even’s reluctant to agree but unwilling to argue.

He wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of running water in the bathroom. He’s about to just roll over and go back to sleep when he hears something else, muffled under the sound of the faucet. 

Isak jumps when he sees Even standing in the doorway. He’s leaning over the toilet, vomit in the bowl. He swipes tears from his flushed cheeks, choking on a sob. His eyes are unfocused and glassy - probably with fever, Even realizes. Fuck, he should’ve known when Isak looked like shit. He should’ve prevented this. 

“Please don’t be mad, I’m sorry,” the younger boy whispers, his voice cracking and ragged. “I...I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me. Please.” Even kneels down on the cool linoleum, taking Isak’s face in his hands. His skin is hot against Even’s fingers. 

“Why would I be mad?”

“Weakness...weakness comes from within. This is...this is my fault. I deserve -” he pulls in a frantic breath, “I deserve this. And now I’m...inconveniencing you.”

“Why would you think that? That’s insane, baby.” He must be delirious or something because nothing about this makes sense.

His vision seems to clear, and he blinks quickly, taking another shaky breath.

“Even…oh...” he whispers, and Even nods. “It’s just you.” he seems to relax, practically falling into Even’s arms.

“Of course. Who else…” He pauses to steady his voice. “Who else would it be?”

“I don’t feel good,” he says, and Even lets out a choked little laugh.

“Yeah, I can tell.”

“I thought you were someone else. But it’s just you.” 

“Yeah, baby. It’s just me.”

They sit there on the floor for a few more minutes before Even picks him up bridal style, carrying him back into the bedroom. Isak doesn't put up a fight, but he's basically dead weight. Even isn't too strong, but he's strong enough to pick up Isak. He has to be.

He places Isak on the bed, and the younger boy curls into a ball, his arms around his stomach.

“Why didn't you just tell me, love? You always tell me.” Even asks, and Isak mumbles something under his breath. “What?”

“I said I don't know,” he says, and Even sits down next to him, laying a hand on his back. He’s so warm. Even makes a mental note to check the freezer for an ice pack. Isak rests his head on Even’s thigh, his eyelids fluttering closed. “I just kept...I kept getting this feeling like...like you'd find out and...I don't know. It's stupid. It doesn't make sense.” Even runs his fingers through his boyfriend’s curls. They're damp and Even can feel the fever heat even from his scalp.

“What?” He asks. Isak stays quiet and Even thinks he probably won't get an answer.

“You'd hit me,” he finally says. “I had this idea if I told you, you'd hit me.” Even’s first reaction is anger, but he tries to swallow it. Isak thought that? Maybe not really thought it, but some part of him? 

“Has that ever happened to you?” He asks, struggling to keep his voice and expression emotionless.

“No, no, I'm just...crazy, I guess,” Isak whispers. 

“Well, I'd never do that. I've never done that,” Even says, some of his anger leaking into his voice. 

“I know. I know. I just had this...feeling. I didn't really believe it. It just...I don't know,” Isak stumbles through his words. 

“It's ok,” Even says, though it really isn't. “We don't need to talk about it anymore, it's alright. We’re just gonna get you feel better, yeah?” Isak nods. “Good. I'll be right back, I have to grab the thermometer.” 

By the time Even gets back, Isak is asleep, and though he knows he should wake him up, he doesn't. Instead, he just sits on the edge of the mattress, watching his breath move in and out. Steady. Finally, he lays a hand on Isak’s shoulder and his eyes open wearily.

“Hi,” he whispers, his voice sounding raw. 

“Hey,” Even whispers back, and Isak opens his mouth for the thermometer. Even puts it in carefully, and Isak closes his mouth. “You know I'd never hurt you, right?”

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
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> 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter in this part :(  
> The next part will start this Sunday and also UPDATE DAILY!   
> We hope you enjoy!!!

Besides Isak being sick over the weekend, the week had been going fairly well for them. They went on a date. A real one, not just their usual coffee runs. It was fancy and special and cost way more than they probably should have spent with rent coming up in the next week. They’d gotten a new scent of laundry detergent which was much nicer and Isak was convinced that the clothes didn’t smell as much if they left them for a few more minutes. 

They had decided midweek that Saturday would be a lazy day (at least until 15:00 when Even’s shift started). Isak wouldn’t do homework. Neither of them would stress. 

“We should do this every week,” Isak says. He’s midway through his second pancake. Even had suggested making them ‘from scratch Isak. Lots of people do.’ earlier in the week and they had gone out specially for the ingredients. It had gone surprisingly smoothly. Now, only a short time after they’d finished mixing up their batter, they were sitting on the couch watching cartoons. 

“I feel so warm,” Even says in response. Isak frowns.

“You're not sick are you?”

“No, no, babe. I just mean this is nice. My heart is warm.”

“Mine too,” Isak says smiling.

“God, I hate Ren and Stimpy,” Even bursts out after a few moments of quiet. 

“What are you talking about? It's hysterical.”

“It's too...I don't know. American,” Even says shaking his head slightly. 

“You love American shit. You're a hoe for America,” Isak squinting slightly, as though he’s trying to tell if this is another one of Even’s joke stories. 

“That's where all the best films come from. They have the big bucks.”

“And the best cartoons?” Isak asks.

“Some of them,” Even admits. “Not Ren and Stimpy.”

“I swear, you'd move there one day if we ever broke up,” Isak says. Why is he thinking of that again? Even’s probably just being worried about nothing. It was just a joke. 

“Why? You wouldn't move with me?” He asks after too long a pause. 

“No way. I hate America. Plus I'm terrible at driving. And English,” Isak says immediately. 

“We can solve both of those.”

“I already told you, I'm never getting behind the wheel of a car. I'll die a car driving virgin.”

The rest of their relaxed morning passes too quickly. Soon it’s nearly time for Even to start getting ready for work. Their doorbell goes off and Even glances out of the window to see who it is. Noora. 

“Isak! It’s for you again,” Even calls, moving over to open the door for her. 

“You left all of your shit everywhere and I need it out,” She starts as soon as she sees him turn the corner. 

“Hello to you too, Noora,” Isak jokes. She, however, looks dead serious.

“No. Seriously. I can put up with ‘soup’ stains by the door. I can put up with the occasional sock, but I can’t put up with the mess you left in the laundry room or the one in the living room or the one in the closet.” She has a garbage bag with her. Presumably filled with Isak’s stuff.

“Why are you so mad?” He asks, his voice small and so very not-Isak.

“Because I don’t want to put up with your shit! You don't live there anymore,” she practically hisses, and that seems to cut Isak deep.

“You’re...you’re right. I’ll...I can go over there later today and-” She cuts him off.

“I already did it. That’s why I’m here.” She drops the bag in the doorway. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve been meaning to come over, I just -”

“It’s fine, Isak. I just...have a lot going on right now.”

“I can come over and help out later with anything you need to make up for-”

“Isak. I needed your help earlier. Now it won’t do any good.”

“I can...do you want tea? We have a kettle now!” Isak says. “We can talk for a bit?”

“Not now. I have to go. I’ll see you.” With that, she leaves, and Isak shuts the door, sighing.

“Fuck.”

“Why didn’t you just go over there and get it? It’s like 10 minutes from Nissen,” Even says smiling. Isak’s been pretty forgetful lately, and they usually laugh about things like forgetting to grab an ingredient for dinner (which usually results in hilarious improvised flavors to replace it).

“They don’t want me anymore. I thought they could be my family and they just threw me out,” Isak says not making eye contact. Even’s smile drops. A more serious conversation, then. No light-hearted teasing. 

“We decided to move out. I’m sure they didn’t-”

“And Eskild couldn’t even tell me in person?” Isak continues like he hadn’t heard Even speak at all. “He likes Noora more than me anyway. He couldn’t wait to get rid of me.”

“That’s not true, Iss. Noora’s just stressed, you know she likes things clean. That’s all it is.”

“My room was clean when I left. I cleaned it.”

“Then why is there stuff in this bag?”

“I just...I left some things just in case something went wrong.” This is the first time Isak’s ever expressed doubt about their relationship. It makes Even’s stomach clench uncomfortably. He doesn’t like thinking about a time where they won’t be together. He tried to imagine when things were hard in the beginning, just to see if he could. It didn’t help. To think that Isak also tried to do that (and might have actually seen something convincing) is difficult. He can’t help but wonder how much time Isak gave their relationship. Would it fall apart in two weeks? Two years? Was it something he was doing? He doesn’t voice any of this. 

“Nothing’s going to go wrong,” Even promises. It sounds weak, even to him. There’s a silence where it looks like Isak might talk, but it just starts to drag on, no words breaking it. 

“Come here,” Even says, opening his arms. He pulls Isak in towards his side, tucking him under his chin. “We’re alright,” he says, kissing the top of Isak’s head. “Can we go and visit the Kollectiv next week?” He asks. Maybe that will help. Isak nods after a moment. 

“If they’ll still have us,” Isak says. 

“I’m sure they will.”

Isak goes out for kebab with Jonas the next day, leaving Even alone in the apartment. Alone with the still unopened garbage bag of Isak’s belongings. He tries to keep himself from looking at it and wondering what’s inside but eventually, he breaks down - telling himself he’s just going to wash the clothes and organize everything. He’s not snooping.

The pile is disorganized in a way that’s so unlike Noora. He would have thought (if he ever could have imagined this situation) that she would bring over everything sorted and folded. Organized to perfection. He was...well...wrong. Everything Isak has left (only a few articles of clothing and a few other things) is twisted together into a ball. He starts picking through it. There are some shirts he’s never seen before, a small collection of books - Romeo and Juliet being one - and a few pairs of glasses. Funny. Isak doesn’t wear glasses. He flips open the copy of Romeo and Juliet. It’s surprisingly well worn. The pages aren’t particularly wrinkled or dogeared but Even can tell just the same that it has been read many times. The edges of the pages feel soft at the corners and there are some bookmarks still left in pages. 

He’s not prepared for what he finds hidden inside a balled-up sock. An empty pill bottle - chlorpromazine. It’s dated to about a year and a half ago, made out to Isak Valtersen. It says there are three refills left. Then, he finds another. Benztropine. Same date.

Even shoves them both back into the sock, sticking them back in the garbage back. This isn’t his business. If Isak wants to tell him, he’ll tell him. Besides, at least Isak was taking care of himself. Back then.

He puts everything back into the bag, folding it neatly this time. Isak can take care of it. He needs to take care of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
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> 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Chapter!!! Thank you so much for reading this! The next part of this series will be up on Sunday evening. :)
> 
> There is conflict in this chapter. Also mentions of mental illness, hospitalization, and abuse/neglect.

Even wakes up to a dark, empty bedroom. It’s cold, their window is open. Someone’s shouting down in the street. Two people, actually. 

“Isak?” He figures his boyfriend is in the bathroom, but he doesn’t get a reply. He rolls over onto his stomach, squinting in the vague direction of the doorway. “Is, come back to sleep.” Again, no response. He rolls his eyes, taking a moment to soak up as much warmth as he can from the blankets before getting out of bed. He immediately freezing, but luckily a sweater is hanging over the back of one of their dining chairs. He shrugs it on, though it doesn’t help much.

The shouting is getting louder. He walks to the window, hands on the frame to shut it, when he sees who’s outside. He stands there for a moment, frozen, staring, before rushing to pull on pants and shoes. 

His sneakers aren’t tied, and he almost trips and falls down the stairs he’s in such a hurry, but none of it matters.

“FUCK YOU!” Isak screams, his voice echoing in the empty street. An older man stands in front of him - cropped blonde hair and tense features. Tall. That must be his father.

“That’s very mature of you, Isak. Very mature,” he says, and Isak shoves him.

“Stop patronizing me!”

“you’re a child! You’re a child and you’re running away from home, and I’m your father.”

“Fuck that.”

“You wanna say that again?” he challenges, and Isak walks closer.

“I said, fuck that. You’re not my dad.”

“Why? Because I couldn’t go to your soccer games? Because you think I’m in the wrong for leaving your mother? I couldn’t help her.”

Even feels wrong just standing here. Both for listening and for not stopping it, but he feels like he's frozen.

“Because you’ve never done what dads do! I was 9 years old, going to school with a fucking broken wrist you gave me.”

“I've apologized so many times for that. Alcohol is a dangerous thing. But I did everything I could do for you. It’s time to come home, Isak.”

“What the fuck?” he says quietly.

“I’ve gotten everything sorted out now, Isak. I’m happy now. I have a girlfriend. I want you in my life.”

“What if...what if I don’t want to be in your life? Have you thought of that.” there's a long silence.

“You’ll regret it. I’m your father. You’ll wish, 20, 30 years from now, that you didn’t make such a rash decision.”

“Who the fuck are you to talk?! You left the first time you thought it would be hard.”

“Your mother was poisoning me. And I was poisoning her. She was draining me of my happiness. We weren’t good for each other.”

“And I was good for her? All by myself? I didn't know what to do.”

“I knew things would be fine. Just like I knew things would be fine when she went away when you were 12. And they are.”

“Things were...not fine,” Isak says with a bitter laugh.

Even has heard enough.

“Hey, Isak, what’s going on?” he calls out, trying to keep his voice even and his face neutral. 

“Even! What are you...wha -”

“Who is this?” The older man - Isak’s father - asks, and Isak sets his jaw.

“I live with him. He’s my roommate. It’s not your business, is it?” he says quickly, and Evens' heart sinks even though he knows Isak isn't out to his parents.

“It’s very much my business if I’m paying half his rent. Who are you?” he demands, directing his focus onto Even.

“Don’t fucking talk to him,” Isak spits out, and Even rests a hand on his shoulder protectively.

“Look, this isn’t going anywhere,” he says, trying to be diplomatic.

“It’s not your concern,” Isak’s father says, and Even isn’t sure what to do. Should he back off? It really isn’t his business, is it?

“Even, just...stay out of it, ok? Go back upstairs.”

“No, he can stay. He can stay and see what kind of ungrateful little boy he lives with. Even, that’s your name?” He doesn’t pause long enough to give him the chance to reply, “Well, Even, has Isak told you I pay his rent? For his food? For the clothes on his back? Hmm?” Again, he doesn’t pause for more than a moment. “No? What about why he left home? Did he tell you I’m some kind of abusive monster? That he didn’t deserve the kind of punishments he got? Because that’s not quite right. No, he’s an ingrate who doesn’t know his place. He’s a little boy with a hot temper and an inflated ego.”

Isak shoves his father, hard, right in the chest, and to Even’s surprise, his father shoves him right back. Isak hits the pavement. Even takes a step forward but Isak is already back on his feet.

“You were a shit dad. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself because it makes you feel bad, but you were. And you are,” He says pressing a finger into his father’s chest. 

“You always do this! You make things into so much more than they are!” He says, pushing Isak away again. “You’re just like your mother! A fucking psychopath! You’re useless!” His volume is building, his face red. Evens stomach feels sick. “All those years ago, when they said you might be like her, I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe my son was insane. But they were right. Look at you! You’re just like her! A spitting fucking image!”

“I’m not,” Isak says weakly, and his father laughs.

“Do you still see them? You do. I can tell. By the way, your eyes move.”

Isak sets his jaw, clenching his fists.

“See what? I don’t see anything,” Isak says, nervously looking over to Even.

“The monsters. Don’t you remember? I know you do. Why don’t you tell him?” His father says, looking pointedly at Even. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Is this how he's going to find out what's been going on? 

“I was a little kid. I was afraid of the dark and my parents wouldn’t comfort me,” Isak says unconvincingly.

“14 years old? Out on the roof, screaming at the sky?”

“That didn’t happen,” he says, his eyes flitting back to Even. His chin trembles.

“So you haven’t told your...roommate yet?” He turns to Even. “You should stay away from him. He’s dangerous. He’s crazy. I made that mistake with his mother, I thought I could help her without those brain numbing medications. Those things are toxic. But you just can’t help people like them.”  
Crazy? People like them? Even wants to punch this guy in the face. Well, he's torn between that and grabbing Isak and dragging him somewhere his father can't find them.

“Even…” Isak says, sniffling. He’s crying. “Don’t...don’t listen to him.”

“That’s it. That’s enough. We’re going upstairs, c’mon,” Even says. Isak’s breathing is uneven, tears streaming down his cheeks, his exhales clouding in the frigid air, chest heaving. He's on the edge of a panic attack, Even can tell.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Isak’s father says and Even’s about to speak when Isak interrupts.

“He’s my boyfriend, ok?” he snaps.

“C’mon, let’s go,” Even says, but Isak doesn’t seem to be listening. He grabs Isak’s arm and gives a small tug.

“‘Then they will go to eternal punishment, and the righteous to eternal life.’ These are choices we make, and if this is what you’re choosing - to forget what you’ve been taught...You’ll know one day what a mistake this all was.”

“Isak?” Even’s still holding Isak’s arm, but it’s gone limp. 

Without another word, his father turns, walking out of the little courtyard, slamming the gate behind him.

“Fuck you!” Isak screams after him, even though he's long gone. “Fucking...fucking asshole,” he chokes around sobs. “Piece of shit!” He screams, his voice breaking, and he almost falls, but Even catches him before he can. Even pulls him close to his chest. He’s shaking so hard, almost hyperventilating, and Even just holds him as tight as he can.

When he finally catches his breath, he closes his eyes.

“I need to go to the hospital. I need you to take me,” he says shakily, and Even can feel the blood rushing out of his face.

“Isak -”

“Stop. I don't want to talk about it. I'm schizo, ok? I'm crazy and I need help.”

Schizophrenia. That's...not good. It explains so much but at the same time brings up new questions. Even can't hold onto any of them, everything's rushing around so fast.

“You're not-” He starts. Isak cuts him off.

“Please, let's just go. Let's just go.” Even kisses his cheek, carefully wiping tears from his face.

“Ok. Let's go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think in the comments or on Tumblr! :)
> 
> Follow [poeandbeaux on tumblr ](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com) for more information!  
> Send us prompts [HERE](http://poeandbeaux.tumblr.com/ask)  
> [Chloe’s tumblr](http://chloebeaux.tumblr.com)!  
> [Priscilla’s tumblr ](http://boxesofflowers.tumblr.com)!  
> 


End file.
